Feed the Lion!

2012-01-08T16:55:00.000-08:00

I believe all our behaviour is purposeful, and most of time there is a positive intent in our behaviour to create more happiness for ourselves, the best way we know how. Since so much of our effort in life is aimed at the attainment of happiness, here are some insights on bringing more joyfulness to your life in 2012:

10 Laws on the Art of Joyful Living

by Zen teacher and brush artist Kaz Tanahashi

1. Your happiness is more important than anything else.

2. The happier you are, the more you can help others.

3. Smiling makes you happy.

4. The more relaxed you are, the happier you are.

5. A moment of meditation can help you refresh yourself.

6. The lower your expectations are, the happier you are.

7. Happiness attracts happiness.

8. The ultimate healing is to live joyfully at each moment.

9. The more fully you face your own death, the more joyous you become.

10.You can always improve your art of joyful living.

To Build Community, an Economy of Gifts by Charles Eisenstein — YES! Magazine

2012-01-03T20:29:00.000-08:00

To Build Community, an Economy of Gifts by Charles Eisenstein — YES! Magazine

This article got my generosity juices flowing. Imagine a world economy based on the extravagant bestowing of your unique gifts! Time to bust out your personal genius friends - the world needs you! Yes you!

The Best Year of Your Life

2012-01-02T17:38:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone! My wish for you at the start of this new year is that you open to the possibility that 2012 could be the very best year of your life. Extraordinary years are composed of extraordinary months, extraordinary weeks, extraordinary days, and extraordinary moments. Please know that the best year of your life starts with a definitive choice to experience extraordinary moments, starting now. And now. And now.

An incredible year is simply a series of now moments, after now moments, after now moments. And all it takes is merely a moment for your life to change. In a moment you can:

Pick up the phone and make a call you've been avoiding
Sign up for the class you've always wanted to take
Tell someone how you really feel
Admit to yourself how you really feel
Decide to forgive someone
Think a thought you've never thought before
Touch someone's life by offering them a hug, a smile, or an appreciation
Appreciate the wonder of the sky, your hand, or the food you're eating
Apply for a new job
Introduce yourself to a new person

All of these actions can be done in less than one minute. My challenge to you is to create an extraordinary moment directly after reading this and share it with me by commenting below.

Go ahead, take a minute...and another minute, and another, all year long.

Having Difficult Conversations

2011-11-12T17:49:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

Enjoy this new video on how to broach difficult conversations!

Shadow Blessings

2011-11-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

If you're not already familiar with the work of Rob Brezsny, please check out his brilliance:

http://freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main313.shtml

Rob composed this piece about shadow blessings - the gifts in our challenges and in our 'bad luck.' I positively challenge you to look for the blessings, the growing, and the goodness in the shadows. Thanks for this inspiration Rob!

Holding Suffering with Great Heart

2011-09-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Witnessing the suffering of others is one of the most painful human experiences I can imagine. It is particularly difficult to turn our hearts to witness the suffering of those we love most. I was given an opportunity to explore this experience yesterday, as our family's dog, Brutus, made his Transition from physical form.

I'm not a fan of suffering, particularly when it involves beings I perceive as vulnerable, such children, animals or the elderly. Holding a vulnerable being in acute physical pain triggered a humbling feeling of powerlessness within me. I like to be in control. But looking down at my dying dog, I was reminded quickly that my will, tears, and love could not affect the painful experience of my beloved. I became aware in the moment that I did not have control of this circumstance, but I did have an important choice to make: whether I would open my heart more to this experience, or become overwhelmed and shut down.

Sometimes we are not aware of how big our hearts can become until we are faced with extraordinary pain. I opened up as spasms of physical and emotional pain washed through both the dog and myself. I felt my heart swelling and I became immediately aware of the impact of my surrender to the suffering he was experiencing. When I stopped struggling against the suffering, a peacefulness emerged that brought relaxation, support and greater peace to us both. In that moment, we were connected to the Great Heart, the source of Big Love that constantly surrounds all circumstances, not asking them to be different than what they are. Accessing the Great Heart is a conscious turning towards, and not away, from suffering. It is a confidence in the power of love.

We will all suffer, and ultimately we'll do this alone. We can't control the conditions that bring about suffering, but we can control the condition of our hearts. We can connect with the Great Heart in situations where there is no quick fix, no solution, or no action that will change conditions in our favour. The Great Heart can hold so much more suffering than our human hearts - and it is just a small shift in perception from where you are right now.

It is also the place to which all dogs return. Today Brutus is in my heart and in the Greater Heart that holds us all.

You're So Full of Awesome

2011-09-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

So excited to share this brilliant post about channeling your five year old self :) Remember back to the time when your inner child knew she/he was full of awesome. A time before you were socialized out of your instincts, intuitions, and unique ways of being. Here's to the child genius inside of you :)

http://blog.pigtailpals.com/2011/08/waking-up-full-of-awesome/

We're Just So Human

2011-09-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

Milk in a Baggie

2011-04-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months, I've committed to practicing extreme self-care, which means going to extravagent lengths to ensure that my needs get met (read Sheryl Richardson's work: The Art of Extreme Self-Care). This past month, for example, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm lactose intolerant, which means I've taken to carrying a small container of almond milk in a baggie with me everywhere I go. In the past, I would have seen this as an inconvenience, and somewhat ridiculous - but I am learning that to really honour myself and my unique needs, I need to be deliberate and thoughtful about what is truly nourishing for me. It takes more time to speak up for ourselves, prepare the right foods for our bodies, and explain our needs in exact detail to the people we love - but it is well worth it. If we are not deliberately planning care and pleasure into our day, we run of risk of merely flowing along in life - accepting only what we happen to encounter. That's not to say there isn't a value to Flow, and certainly we can make the best of any situation we find ourself in. But if we get to choose - which I believe we always can - why wouldn't we consciously choose to maximize self-nourishment, to design pleasurable days, and to organize our lives as much as possible to meet our precise needs?

I'm going to cart around milk in a baggie from now on, and every time I pull out my little container at the coffee shop, I'm going to think: Wow, I really love myself.

Nobody Cares (except your future 90 year old self)

2010-12-19T15:47:00.000-08:00

‎"Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.” – Martha Graham

What would you be doing if the approval of other people meant little or nothing to you? When we allow ourselves to consider following our passions, taking risks that support our dreams, or discovering our authentic selves, we are often paralyzed by the fear that others will take notice of how incompetent we are. This fear whispers at us in the form of our own self-talk - 'not good enough', 'look stupid', 'you'll end up broke and disappointed.' Yet when you're passionate for something, sorry folks, it doesn't give up so easily as you do. You may repress, deny or ignore what makes you feel alive, but sooner or later, your passion will whisper at you too, even though the voice of fear may be louder.

If you speak to people who are dying I doubt they wish they had taken fewer risks to manifest their hearts' desires. I doubt they wish they'd lived more mediocre and ordinary lives. I doubt they wish they'd cared more about what other people thought of them, or their dreams.

As we approach the Holiday Season, the spiritual environment that surrounds us is ripe for making a new start or moving in a new direction. I'd love to see you up and dancing wildly and badly, and adoring every unskillful minute of it.

The Authenticity of the Shadow

2010-12-15T17:35:00.000-08:00

In North America, we are nearing Winter Solstice, the darkest and longest night of the year. I've never been afraid of the dark in the most literal sense; but I have been scared of the inner darkness, the concept that Carl Jung called 'the shadow'. Our shadows are like psychic repositories of all we find unacceptable, outright wrong, or unbearable. All kinds of things are 'down there' in the basements of our consciousness...everything we cannot face, the things we are scared of, and yes, even treasures like healthy relationships, prosperity, and sexual empowerment.

I think it's scary as hell facing our shadows. In fact, learning to dissociate from scary things is a survival mechanism that our brain uses to keep us safe, particularly when we are young and not capable of understanding or processing difficult feelings and experiences.

Yet, there are so many gems in the mine of the shadow. There is courage, and peace. There is compassion and deep authenticity. Part of being authentic is being able to name and express difficult feelings. Vulnerability, shame, anger and fear. All of these can be part of our shadow.

We are often not rewarded for doing the work of facing our shadows. For example, in the words of the teacher Abraham, when we express anger our friends tend to think they liked us better when we were just depressed: meaning...facing the dark means clearly seeing things we perceive are ugly. Yet, without bringing forth and exploring these parts of ourselves, there is little intimacy in our relationships, little courage in our evolutionary toolbox, and little growth in our consciousness. The dark may be scary, but it is what it is - the counterbalance to Light, to Consciousness. Without the dark, we would not have enough contrast to truly know ourselves, and our essential goodness.

The Body as Teacher

2010-12-07T17:19:00.001-08:00

Over the past month, I have been a student of the body, this casing of cellular miracles, chemical reactions, and matter that is our life companion. I have been a student of an injured body. A painful body. A body that won't move as I will it to, won't heal as fast as I need it to, won't stop changing as I'd like it to. I've been recovering from a muscular injury and inflamed sciatic nerve, and boy I've been learning.

When illness and injury arise, sometimes the body feels more like a prison than a school. What can we learn through the pain and frustration of being unwell and uncomfortable?

I've learned how to ask for more help, how to expose more vulnerability, and how to have deeper levels of appreciation for wellness. I've received ALOT of care and love, and have had a lot of time to consider what's truly important in my life.

I'm not sure these gifts could have come from any other teacher. That's the thing about the body. It's so personal. So intimate. It's in your face because it is your face. There's no getting out of yourself, so there's really no getting out of the learning. And when there's something to learn, Life gets our attention any way it can. Pain, injury, and illness can be gateways to extraordinary healing. If we are willing students.

How To Be Alone

2010-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

This little gem brought a shower of joy tears...

Web 2.0: The Machine is Us(ing) Us

2010-10-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

Check out this fascinating video by anthropologist Michael Wesch about how the web has revolutionized many things, including us. Gives me shivers (in a good way). And that's not just from the awesome music!

In the Spirit of We'Moon

2010-10-16T16:08:00.000-07:00

The year I turned 23 I was living out of my backpack. Every belonging I had was in storage and I was free to wander to the parts of the world that beckoned me. The state of Oregon beckoned me so strongly, that for the months of June, July and August, I did not much else but write songs and poetry in a tiny cabin in the woods.

That summer, Mother Tongue Ink decided to publish one of my poems in their We'Moon calendar, an annual collection of women's art and poetry. I have the great honour of being included in the 30th year anthology of We'Moon which also includes writings by Alice Walker, Starhawk, Rose Flint, and Vicki Noble. Check out the anthology here:

www.wemoon.ws

Definite Lion Fodder!

Learning to Relax: How doing Nothing can bring you Everything

2010-08-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

'I am more of an anxiety than a depression person myself', a friend once said to me. It made me laugh because I realized this is true for me also. I don't tend to hang out in despondency too long. In fact, if I'm not responding well to something that's unfolding in my life, I'm usually thinking about it, trying to fix it, doing about it, problem solving about it, evaluating about it..., you get the picture. I recently came across this article by Martha Beck, Oprah's life coach guru. Yes, she's part of the Oprah Empire, but damn, sometimes she nails things it a way that turns my life around.

Check it out here:

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Strategies-for-Mental-Rest-and-Relaxation-Martha-Beck-Advice

Martha talks about learning to rest. Learning to do nothing and relax when we encounter challenge in our life. For a 'do-er' like myself, this seems counterintuitive. I want to pull up my socks and figure it all out and move forward. Sometimes, this attitude leads me towards 'easy fixes' that are not so easy. When we stop running in circles, get quiet and relax, miracles begin to happen. Our health improves. Opportunities flow towards us. We stop pressing against Life and Life simply moves towards us. And now, for that nap....

The Goodness of Feeling Good

2010-08-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

A new recreation complex recently opened up near my home. Being a community-oriented person, I could not wait to check it out. As I walked up to the building, I immediately noticed the sights and sounds of the outdoor pool. It was such a joyfull scene...moms and dads reclining by the pool...kids squealing and jumping through contraptions in the water park. The whole place had been designed entirely for pleasure. "Wow" I thought: "This place exists for people to feel good. Our city funds places like this. Wow."

I got to thinking about the importance of feeling good. Of being in places that make us feel good. Of doing things that make us feel good. Of being with people that help us feel good. Of reminding ourselves that no one but ourselves is ultimately responsible for us feeling good, no matter what conditions present themselves.

Along these lines, I love this quote from the Teachings of Abraham Series, channeled by Esther Hicks:

"Everyone wants to feel good, but most people believe that everything around them needs to be pleasing to them before they can feel good. In fact, most people feel the way they do in any moment in time because of something they are observing. If what they are observing pleases them, they feel good, but if what they are observing does not please them, they feel bad. Most people feel quite powerless about consistently feeling good because they believe that in order to feel good, the conditions around them must change; but they also believe that they do not have the power to change many of the conditions....

Make a decision to look for the best-feeling aspects of whatever you must give your attention to, and otherwise, look only for good-feeling things to give your attention to--and your life will become one of increasingly good-feeling aspects." ~ from Money and the Law of Attraction

I think these words are so empowering. They remind us that we have the choice of how we respond to the conditions around us. In my work as a counsellor I have witnessed extraordinary courage and positivity in response to the seemingly atrocious conditions of people's lives. I have seen clients facing incredible trauma, poverty, and illness make choices about how they would view the conditions around them in a way that would open their minds, heal their hearts and move them forward. Exercising our choice to feel good is incredibly powerful.

So whether you are working for the rest of the summer, or sitting by the pool, I wish you good-feeling times and sunshine.

Allowing Change: Reinventing our Relationships

2010-08-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

"One learns to accept the fact that no permanent return is possible to an old form of relationship; and, more deeply still, that there is no holding of a relationship to a single form. This is not tragedy but part of the ever-recurrent miracle of life and growth. All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building themselves new forms...Because it is not lasting, let us not fall into the cynic's trap and call it an illusion. Duration is not a test of true or false...." ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh, from Gift from the Sea

When something feels good, we usually want more of it. We want more of it consistently, and we want more of it over a long period of time. So very human this is, to want to feel good more of the time than we feel bad. How does this work in our relationships? When we begin new relationships, with new friends, new partners, or our newborn children, we really notice what feels good to us about the other person. We enjoy their positive traits, how we enjoy how we feel when we're with them, and we enjoy thinking about how our relationship with them will develop. As humans we have a great capacity to notice what feels good. That is, until we become accustomed to the feelings of goodness.

Do you know that point in a relationship, where once you noticed what you appreciate about the other person, now you notice what irritates you? Or perhaps you have just forgotten to notice what feels good, to actively appreciate what is working well in the relationship. So now, rather than see that person's presence in your life as a gift, you expect their presence, and you expect it in a particular way you've grown accustomed to.

How do we keep our relationships fresh? How do we give the people we love room to grow and change, even if that means growing right out of our lives? This ability to let people be who they truly are, to free them from our expectations that they be a certain way to make us continue to feel good, this is unconditional love.

This is saying to the people we love: "I love you so much that I want you to grow in the direction of your highest potential, even if our relationship changes. I love you so much I want you not to care what I think about what I think is best for you. I value our relationship so much, that I will allow it to change, change dramatically even, if it means we are better, happier people for it."

Wow. If we could all get this one our lives and the quality of our relationships would be so different. But it means doing our inner work, taking responsibility for our own happiness, and not trying to control others, but ourselves only. It also means, as the words of Anne Lindbergh so beautifully imply, that we must trust relationships were meant to change, and their changing (including their ending) does not mean anyone has failed. Rather, it means somebody has grown.

Letting it Be Both

2010-07-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

I ran my heart out today. I woke up, put on my running sneakers, and booked it for 7 kilometers. I also ate a giant piece of ice cream cake and a huge bowl of homemade blueberry peach crisp. I love to exercise. I also love sweet, crispy and fatty food. Think chicken skin and brown sugar.

As I grow older I am beginning to see less and less of a problem with this. I used to see opposition as a problematic. Now it appears as more of an opportunity. My exercise and eating choices may compete with one another at times, but they also compliment each other. Eating gelato prevents me from being too perfectionistic about my habits, and exercising regularly encourages me to eat healthy things that keep my body fueled.

We have to learn to sit with the anxiety of duality. Things are seldom black and white, and even if they are, it's usually only temporarily because eventually everything changes. We can love people that hurt us, be a little bit right and a little bit wrong at the same time, or be both strong and vulnerable. It's all part of the human experience: to embrace what seems different, and to find a place for it in us and our world after all.

Making Time for Beauty

2010-07-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

"Consumerism has accustomed us to have easily and immediately whatever we want--and then to gulp it all down at once. In our hasty times, everything has to happen right away: success, sex, money, knowledge and happiness--we want it now. No time is allowed for probing and delaying. No time for doubt, exploration, or just playing around. We are in too much of a hurry. Maybe we have to discover again the art of being slow, because that is often the rhythm of realization and enjoyment." ~ Piero Ferrucci, from Beauty and the Soul

Have you ever taken a really really long time to do something you enjoy? Taken 3 hours to prepare a beautiful meal and even longer to eat it? Laid on a warm beach for the whole day? Worked on a piece of art for days, until it was perfect?

Then you may have also experienced a profound sense of beauty. In order to see the beauty in life, in each other, and in the natural world, we need two things: time and consciousness. The more time and consciousness we devote to noticing the sensuous, the soul-moving, the heart-warming, the more Beauty reveals herself to us. This is the gift of the Yin quality of energy. Yin has been traditionally associated with the feminine, but in reality we all have access to its slow, still and receptive qualities regardless of our gender.

Consumerism is not a fan of Yin. It conditions us to expect entertainment through stimulus, passivity and noise. It also conditions us to believe that beauty can be something that is purchased and owned. No wonder beauty evades those who have millions of dollars to 'purchase' it. Without the qualities of time and conscious awareness the world becomes more flat. With time and mindfulness, Life becomes round like the curves of the Earth Mother, who leaves no corner of the earth untouched by Her abundance.

World Cup 2010 South Africa Song - R. Kelly - Sign Of A Victory

2010-07-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

Man I'm a sucker for the Triumph of the Human Spirit. I love soccer and I love this video with music by R Kelly and the Soweto Gospel Choir. Sometimes it's the little victories that mean the most. Here's to my nephew Elliot taking his first steps, you learning your first three chords on the guitar, or the painfully shy going on a first date! We all have an inner champion :)

The Inner Sun

2010-07-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

[The Sun] is pure, unadulterated power...[that] never fades or fails. It plays no favourites. It sees everything, judges nothing, and is equally available to all that exists beneath it. The power to live, to be, and to act is in infinite supply and is universally available. The power of The Sun does not die with death, or fade with night. It is always steady, strong, and certain. It blazes inside of you as well as outside of you, and nothing in the world can extinguish it." ~ Ruth Ann and Wald Amberstone

Light has forever been a symbol of all that is good, divine and life-giving. At this time of year we can physically feel the power of Light in the forms of warmth, long days, and increased energy. Summer energizes us and causes us to remember the qualities of the eternal Sun, as mentioned by Ruth Ann and Wald Amberstone in the quote above. The outer sun is a symbol for the inner power of pure consciousness those strength and mystery surpass our human understanding.

Sometimes we catch glimpses of our inner radiance. Sometimes we can witness ourselves and our experiences with a confident Love that burns away the fear and judgement of the ego. This inner radiance, this substance of the soul is indeed indestructible. I was reminded of this flying home from Hawaii earlier this spring. I was feeling sad about my departure from the home of my soul when I looked out the window. The sun was still shining above the clouds and stormy weather of the Great White North. It's just a matter of elevating our perspective. Inside us, the Sun never goes out; we always have access to it. And the clouds, like all weather, are temporary.

Yin Power: Balancing Polarity

2010-07-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

"The feminine principles are soft, and they appeal to human feeling. In fact, creativity is the only evidence left of our societies once they've come and gone. We don't remember the businessmen of Rome, or the various generals that fought the Trojan wars. Even the kings and queens of old are fairly uninteresting. What we value is the art, the architecture, and the feelings of bygone societies. What they believed in, what they did, the art they left behind--the Colosseum, Versailles, paintings, books--those are the things that have meaning, and so they last. We remember the yin, because it is through the yin and softness that the God Force is expressed."

I love this quote by Stuart Wilde which expresses one of the strengths of the yin or feminine principle, which we all possess whether we are physically male or female. Our society is undoubtedly dominated by yang energy at this time in history, with our focus on action, doing and performing. We are rewarded for what we do, not who we are. Thought is valued over feeling, logic over intuition. It is my belief that we need to balance yin and yang and that both polarities have strength and value. When yin is strong, yang is at it's best, and vice versa. Versailles could not have been built without the original creativity of yin. Without the action of yang, it would remain but a dream in the imagination.

When these energies are in balance, we can truly author our lives: for we are both in touch with our creativity, and the energy to let it be real and powerful.

Just say it: Why Not Hurting Other People's Feelings Can Hurt You

2010-06-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that if you are:

1. Human.
2. Reading this blog.
3. Not a psychopath.

that there has been a time in your life when you've tried to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Maybe you held back words. Maybe you held back the truth. Maybe you stayed in bad situation too long. Or a job. Or a relationship.

Maybe you've made a whole lifestyle out of avoiding conflict and therefore avoiding the opportunity to hurt people's feelings. Now I'm no fan of intentionally hurting people. In fact, I think we need to be mindful and respectful with our speech, as it will impact the person it is directed at. However, if we are afraid to use speech that is honest, authentic and timely, then we can end up doing more harm than good, to both ourselves and others.

The problem is that fear of hurting people's feelings is like fearing intimacy, and truth, and Life itself. If we avoid conflict, we avoid opportunities to solve problems authentically. We avoid the chance to be truly known, seen, and understood. We avoid giving another person the gift of our affirmation that they can handle the truth and Life itself.

If we are alive our feelings will get hurt. Not because we are bad, or other people are bad. We are human, and as some brilliant person said at one time, 'Sh*t happens.'

So whatever it is you need to say, say it. Say it with honesty and clarity and warmth and power. Not with the intention to hurt, but to bring greater love and authenticity into the world. Sometimes there is a right time, place and medium to say what you need to say. Sometimes there is no right time, perfect words, or way. Trust that you can handle it, and that the other person can too.

Honouring our Humanness: Discovering We're Not Crazy or Alone

2010-06-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

If there is one phrase I've worn into the ground in my work as a therapist, it's this:

"No you're not crazy, and No you're not alone."

So much of our suffering occurs when we isolate ourselves with the stories we have made up about ourselves. These stories can become so compelling, we believe they represent who we are. For example:

I'm a depressed person
I'm an anxious person
I'm a horrible person
I'm unlovable
I'm unlucky
I can't trust anyone
I can't trust myself
There is something really wrong with me
The world is an unsafe place

We all carry these stories to some extent or another. So if any of the above resonant with you, no you're not crazy, and no, you're not alone. You are likely responding quite predictably to certain conditions you've experienced in your life. Maybe you were told you were unlovable or a horrible person. Maybe you grew up in an environment that was unsafe, contributing to the fact that you feel anxious much of the time. This is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to acknowledge how this story plays out in the present.

When we release ourselves from the need to blame ourselves or anyone else for the inevitabilities of being alive: being hurt, feeling anxious, hurting others, feeling insecure - we can just accept our humanness and the humanness of other beings. We do not need to take our stories so personally. Every other being on the planet is suffering in some way, shape or form, just like you. Suffering is a part of life. When we can accept this, we don't need to pathologize ourselves or others. We can notice when we are suffering, what part we are playing in creating our own suffering, and how to apply the salves of love, forgiveness, and acceptance to ourselves and whatever situation we might find ourselves in.

And if you find this difficult to do, don't worry, you're not crazy and you're not alone :)

Dansical Goodness

2010-06-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

Another work of lyrical Big Love by lion feeder Luke Burton. Here's to random gifting and dancing in the streets. Thanks Luke!

(Copy and paste)

http://vimeo.com/11870440

Embraced

2010-06-01T06:10:00.001-07:00

From time to time, I am prone to travel a long way to experience something really good. I've travelled across ten provinces just to eat my mom's Christmas dinner, across an entire continent to be a baby cuddler in an orphanage, and over the Atlantic Ocean on several occasions just to swim in the Mediterrean Sea.

This weekend past, I crossed an international border to receive a hug. But not just any hug. One from Amma, the hugging saint of India. I could romanticize our meeting, which would be very easy to do. She is a beautiful soul: a small, smilely, woman from Kerala who travels the world to hug hundreds of people in one sitting. When she is not doing that, she is performing selfless service for those that are poor, sick and discouraged. She is worthy of romanticization; but there is something much more practical about her that I feel deserves attention.

Many people had come to see her, and I had anticipated to wait a while for my moment with this woman. So I took a seat near the front of the room and watched for nearly 4 hours as she received each and every person that came to her with the same smile, warmth and enthusiasm of embrace.

One by one, without exception, each person approached and was embraced wholeheartedly. The old, the sick, the babies. Those that came with flowers, those that came with nothing. Those that came with smiles on their faces. Those that came with frowns or tears.

As I continued to watch I thought to myself "This is what unconditional love looks like." This is also what it means to truly be present in the world. You embrace whoever or whatever is in front of you. Open arms.

I got my hug at 2:30 in the morning. But more importantly I got inspired by the possibility of opening my arms a little wider.

A Case for Optimism

2010-05-25T17:35:00.000-07:00

Beloveds,

I am so excited by the research coming out which demonstrates what has felt intuitively right for many of us long before science ever got on the bandwagon: optimism is good for you. It's good for your body and your immune system, and it makes you live longer, feel better, and have more fun. If you do one thing today, please check out Rob Brezsny's "Outlaw Catalog of Cagey Optimism", sure to brighten your thinking and your day!

(copy and paste the link)

http://bit.ly/CageyOptimism

Smelling the Roses

2010-05-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

Up the hill. Up the hill. I can make it up the hill. Up the hill. Up the hill. I've almost made it up the hill!

This little mantra loops around in my head as I tackle the long hill to the top of Queen Elizabeth Park. At the ungodly hour of 6 am, I've got my Nike Pegasus' strapped to my feet, an ipod filled with the electronic equivalent of Red Bull, and a big hill to get up.

Up the hill. Up the hill. I can make it up the hill.

Sometimes I wonder if runners are masochists. I look at the Nordic walking group who are circling the flat parts of the park, and I feel a bit of exercise snobbery arising within. It sparks my curiosity.

Up the hill. Up the hill.

I'm almost up the hill now, and it's uncomfortable and invigorating at this point, knowing that I'm moments away from tasting the satisfaction of accomplishing something challenging. Maybe this is why I run up hills.

Up the hill. Up the hill.

As I get close to the top I am overwhelmed by a smell that stops me in my tracks: roses. Good smelling roses. Not the 'Safeway $15.00 for a dozen' kind of roses, but the 'my grandmother's garden in the the height of mid-summer' kind of roses. Maybe you know that smell...that intoxicating, 'want to ingest it' sweet sweet smell, that makes me high and want to look at the world in a new way. I see where it's coming from. There is a bush on my right, and it's budding a plethora of deep purple blooms, too beautiful to pass by.

My mantra has no power here. I am in the presence of beauty, and not even Ludacris' 'Get Back' can propel me forward. I stand there for at least 15 minutes, smelling. Those Nordic walkers have a thing or two figured out. When our pace is right, there is always time for moments like this.

The F Bomb and What Makes me Sad about Living in Vancouver

2010-05-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

"Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealously, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we're holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we'd rather collapse and back away. They're like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we're stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and lucky for us, it's with us wherever we are." ~ Pema Chodron

There are a lot of things I love about my city. The Sea Wall. Ocean and Mountains. Moderate climate (this is actually a love hate relationship - there's sunny weather, spring rainy weather, winter rainy weather and fall rainy weather). But there are some things that are downright depressing about living here. Like a big sad elephant that people learn to ignore, the problems of homelessness, mental illness and addiction have become so big they are largely invisible to residents of Vancouver. Except when that elephant drops a big f-bomb all over you on your way home from work.

Walking up my street today, I spotted an elderly man in a wheelchair who has been known to me for some years. He disappears for months or seasons at a time. He doesn't recognize me, even though we've had several interactions in the past, usually involving the f-bomb in some way, shape or form. I don't know if he has a home, but I'm pretty sure there is no one there who loves him even if he did have one. He always asks for money, so I'm sure there's not a lot of that around either. I've come to associate encountering him with some kind of uncomfortable interaction. But I don't blame him or myself for this. There was the time he gave me the finger when I wouldn't give him any change. The time he asked me to buy him coffee and wheel him across the street. Perhaps he was a sailor in his earlier years, or perhaps simply a human being whose hard hard life left him with no other means of expressing himself than to invent new curse words to share with others. Seeing him always makes me feel empathic, mad, anxious and curious.

As he called out to me today I thought about ignoring him. But the humanity of it all just wouldn't let me walk past him. I turned towards him because I knew I could face the moment, as uncomfortable as it was. As I stared into his sad old man eyes, I think he was surprised I was actually listening as he released his torrent of f-bombs. 'Are you done?' I asked when he finished. He had nothing to say and I walked away. There is nothing to say in moments like this because it's not personal. It's not fair either. I can't explain why I have a warm home to go home to, people who love me, and the resources to create a joyful life experience. I can't explain why this man does not. Life's not fair, but I can say with confidence that life is about having experiences.

As unpleasant as the elephant is to look at, I'm glad I chose to see him today.

Your Permission Slip

2010-05-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm giving up. And you can too.

I'm giving up my favorite forms of suffering.
I'm giving up yes when no is hard to say.
I'm giving up socks with holes in them.

I don't have to. And you don't have to too.

I don't have to eat carrots even though they're good for me.
I don't have to answer my phone.
I don't have to work hard for things I don't want anyway.

I'm allowed. And you're allowed too.

I'm allowed to go to bed at 9:00 in the summer.
I'm allowed to smile for no reason.
I'm allowed to do what feels real and good.

I'm beautiful. And you're beautiful too.

I'm beautiful because there is no one like me.
I'm beautiful because I wear my yoga pants tucked into my socks.
I'm beautiful because I smile. I'm beautiful because I cry.

Allowed is what we all are.

Spring Influx of Creative Energy

2010-05-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

The latest from my friend Luke Burton, a beautiful soul feeding the lions of the world:

http://vimeo.com/11424646

Feel Your Way

2010-05-13T06:59:00.001-07:00

"Like the sculptors who, with time and patience, learn to mold the clay into the precise desired creation, you can learn to mold the Energy that creates worlds through the focus of your own mind. And, like the sculptors who, with their hands, feel their way as they recreate their vision--you will use your emotions to feel your way to Well-Being." ~ Esther and Jerry Hicks

Most of us think our way through life. We think through the past - regretting and remembering. We also think through the future - planning, anticipating, and worrying. We often do things not because they feel good, but rather, because we fear the consequences of failing to do them. If we don't go to work, we won't get paid. If we don't get paid, we don't eat. If we don't eat, we'll die, etc., etc. Our minds are not the enemy. Helping us figure out how to survive is a blessing, and a good enough reason to have a mind. Yet, what happens when we disconnect from our felt responses to doing what we do?

Watch a child for an hour, and you will encounter experts who feel their way through life. Playing ballerina feels good, it doesn't make sense. Young children lack the self-consciousness and second-guessing we develop as adults. Without the need to rationalize their way through every choice they make, kids play more and well, have more fun!

Doing things just because they feel good and bring us pleasure is a truly radical act. Organizing your life according to what brings you the most pleasure is often viewed as selfish, suspicious, and simplistic. Yet, forgetting what makes us feel good, or believing we are not worthy of feeling good, is like smashing our inner compass. Our heart wants what it wants, and the only way to finding this sense of inner Well-Being, is to feel our way towards it. It's like that child's game of 'hot and cold.' We are getting 'warmer' when we are moving in a direction that feels good. We get 'colder' when we move away from our heart's desires.

The great thing is, wherever this finds you in life you can start where your feet are planted. Just feel it out.

The Lion's Roar

2010-05-05T21:16:00.001-07:00

The first time I attempted Lion's pose in a yoga class I almost fell flat on my face (check it out here if you've never seen it before: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqHn0n_1O7A&feature=fvsr). As I sprang forward on my hands and knees, stuck out my tongue and popped my eyes out of your head, I became aware of how good doing ridiculous things can be for your personal development. But then there was the roaring part.

Let's face it: roaring is not something we are encouraged to do, especially if you are a woman. Our institutions, our families, and the people who serve us in the check-out line would probably prefer us to express ourselves softly, rationally, and calmly.

But sometimes, this world calls for boldness. To be alive is to win some and lose some, to occasionally be taken advantage of, and to be tested in divinely personal ways. These challenges allow us to access our lion's roar: an intensely powerful voice within all of us. We must all learn to communicate our own limits, boundaries and beliefs to others: to do so with both power and compassion is an art, and a challenge.

It is not easy to know when to roar appropriately. I am a counsellor, a buddhist, a student/teacher of non-violent communication, and a human being; and I've lived long enough to know there is no formula for figuring this one out. If we are used to politely meowing our way through life, it can feel like a shock to discover a powerful cat inside us whose roar is strong and spontaneous (and can be heard from 5 miles away according to the aforementioned youtube video!). On the other hand, If we are used to roaring all the time: 1. we're probably pretty lonely and 2. we're probably exhausted (I don't know how chronically angry people keep it up - Red Bull?). As in my yoga practice, so in my life: I often feel a mix of vulnerability and power hearing the sound of a strong voice, especially my own.

Do we need to stick our inner lion on every person or potential threat we encounter? I wouldn't recommend it. But I would recommend reaping some of the benefits of roaring. It develops our inner strength. We cannot learn how powerful and strong we are lying around in the field all day as lions like to do. In order to test our strength, we need resistance, which life provides for our development. Sometimes being challenged, told off, and criticized is exactly what we need to access a wellspring of power and courage. In the words of John Neal:

“A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with the wind.”

Our roars can help us soar. Find your inner Grrrrrrrh! (it just comes with a warning: use wholeheartedly, but in ways that ultimately create more goodness and less harm).

The Golden Buddha

2010-05-05T06:26:00.001-07:00

I have a great story to share, which comes to us from the Buddhist tradition. And like all great stories, it begins with once upon a time. Once upon a time there was a monastery in Thailand which housed a giant clay Buddha. It became necessary to move the statue from one place to another, so the monks in the monastery began preparing the statue to be relocated. They took great care, as the statue was very very old. As they began their preparations, one monk noticed a crack near the base of the statue. As he looked closer a golden glow appeared underneath it. After chipping away at the crack a great secret was revealed: there was indeed gold underneath. In fact, the whole statue was made of gold, but appeared to have been covered with clay. With the help of historians, the monks discovered it was likely that the statue had been disguised with clay centuries earlier to protect it from being stolen when the monastery was pillaged.

I love this story, because I think it stands as a beautiful metaphor for our development as human beings. Inside we are golden, valuable, and luminous. Often, to protect the most valuable, beautiful and precious parts of ourself, we smother ourselves with a hard and artificial shell. Sometimes the world doesn't recognize our value because of this disguise. Sometimes we are so used to wearing a clay covering that we've forgotten what's underneath.

It's nobody's fault that we have to be in the world like this. In fact, it's usually very well-intentioned when we do things to preserve the most treasured parts of us. Yet, at some point Life is going to crack us open. One day we will find a tiny opening in ourselves, made by our hope or by our suffering, and the Light starts pouring out. The threats that made us put on that mask in the first place no longer exist, and perhaps never did. There are no more thieves, invaders, or pillagers and the mask has served it's purpose: to deliver us safely into the arms of the present moment, where we can be Luminous.

For Fear You Will be Alone

2010-05-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

For fear you will be alone
you do so many things
that aren't you at all.
~Richard Braugtigan, American Poet (1935-1984)

When I first read this poem, I was 18, beginning my first year of university, and willing to do many, many things that weren't me at all. I had few concrete ideas of who I was, what I truly needed, and what would make me happy. Who does when you are 18 years old? Or further to the point, who cares? An 18 year old doesn't have time to worry about things like money, which effortlessly appears in your bank account courtesy of the Bank of Mom and Dad or the Student Loan Office (which you won't form any real relationship with until many years and dollars later).

At 18 the world was filled with possibilities, people, and paths to explore. Although I didn't have enough life experience at the time to fully grasp his meaning, I knew there was wisdom in the words of Richard Braugtigan.

Now that I'm moving into my 30s, it's getting increasingly painful to notice myself doing things that 'aren't me at all.' In fact it's become unbearable. There will always be times in our lives when we have to complete tasks or experience changes that are uncomfortable. I hate sorting the recycling, but I do it because it's important. The dentist? Not me AT ALL, but keeps me healthy. To be alive is to encounter suffering; and there is absolutely nothing we can do to change this.

But not being ourselves is a different kind of suffering. When we find ourselves living inauthentically we are neglecting our heart's desires and our soul's needs. Life feels flat, treacherous, or downright boring. This suffering can go unnoticed for long periods of time, until one day we wake up and realize we are in the wrong career or the wrong relationship. We are not an editor, we are a writer. We are not a secretary, we are an art teacher. We have decorated our home in blues and grays, but we are really yellow on the inside.

It is humbling to realize we've gotten it all wrong. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to realize the places in our life where we have been asleep or pretending. What's important is our willingness to see, with clear eyes, that something is 'not me, not mine, not who I am' (to use the words of my Dharma teacher).

And where do we go from there?

Back to the wide world of the 18 year old.

This post is dedicated to my beloved friend, Amanda, who is turning 30 this year and soliciting advice about entering a new decade! May your 30s bring you the courage to express the deepest longings of your heart, the confidence to deliver your greatest gifts to the world, and the faith to simply be true to the beauty that is you.

The Aloha State

2010-04-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

Love, presence, and sharing the essence of life are traditional translations of a word I dropped many many times last week: Aloha. Another translation is 'to joyfully create one's life in the present moment.' What a powerful practice to affirm, upon greeting another being, his or her capacity to manifest joy and prosperity, not at a later time, but right now.

This orienting of ourselves to the joy and power of ordinary moments practically changed my life last week. While passing ten days in 'the Aloha state' I seemed to enter an aloha state myself: a frame of mind that was conduce to synchronistic meetings, joyful encounters, and the manifestation of an incredible state of wellbeing. Ten days of aloha practice brought about the healing of a health condition I've been dealing with, the manifestation of new relationships, and the release of some outdated beliefs about myself I've been holding.

How does one practice aloha? Although I'm not an expert on Hawaiian culture and spiritual practice, I noticed in my own experience some conditions that contributed to the sense of joy and prosperity I experienced in Hawaii:

1. I was feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude for even very simple things, like my breath, the food I ate and the sunshine.
2. I felt compelled to share my sense of wellbeing with others by smiling at strangers and expressing my gratitude whenever and wherever I could.
3. I felt generous. Even with limited resources, I shared whatever I could with others.
4. I was carrying the feeling in my heart that anything could happen. I could meet anybody. My day could take any turn and I could end up anywhere.
5. I was expecting miracles.
6. I was not making any demands on life. When I am able to practice non-attachment, I can receive experiences into my heart in one breath and release them with the next. This reduces so much suffering!

And with that being said, I can't hold onto the aloha state. In Vancouver, where I have more responsibilities, more allergies and more cold weather I can already see my time in Hawaii fading like my tan lines. My holiday is over, but new possibilities for my life are just beginning; a life created joyfully in the present.

Cathy from Parker

2010-04-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

It was the first and only thing I wanted to do in Hawaii: seek out Mother Ocean and plunge into her salty embrace. I had been wearing a permanent grin since boarding my flight to Maui, anticipating my reunion with the warm sea. I grinned through the screeching children and the returning of my seat to the upright position. I grinned through the rain upon my arrival and the wait to get a taxi from the airport. But I had no smile for the ocean as I stood with bare feet on the edge of the Pacific. Only tears and massive gratitude for being alive.

In I went, and just when I thought this moment couldn't get any better, I found myself with someone to share it with.

"Hi! You here by yourself?" shouted a voice from over the waves. "I'm Cathy from Parker". And there I was staring into the blue blue eyes of a gray-haired, sand-crusted sea goddess. I had no idea where Parker was and I didn't really care. I was in the presence of kind eyes and I knew immediately she was a gift from the ocean, and a woman I might become in 30 years.

When we weren't in the water over the next two hours, we were watching the sun going down, listening to reggae music on her ipod, and discovering we had come to Hawaii for the same reason: to release the past in the presence of great and humbling beauty. Cathy's husband had died four weeks ago. She had loved him, cared for him, and watch him die slowly; and all she wanted to do now was watch the ocean, and share laughs with a 30 year old woman she had met in the water.

She loved her husband deeply, she explained, but felt ready and peaceful to be alone. I on the other hand, delight in the peacefulness of aloneness, but feel ready to love deeply. Like the two rhythms of the ocean, there we were, one of us prepared to spread out onto the shores of life, the other to pull way in upon itself.

There was a time in my life when I preferred aloneness to relationality, or communion to solitude. Sitting there with Cathy none of this seemed to matter; because I realized we get what we need in spite of our expectations. I had expected to pass my first night in Hawaii alone with the ocean. Instead I was drinking champagne and eating giant burritos with a widow. The water receives and defeats everything. Death, expectation and all contradictions.

Fake it 'til you Shake it

2010-04-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

African Dance class, Saturday afternoon. A full hour of wiggling body parts most North American women over size 12 attempt to camoflouage. Ass. Thighs. Hips. 'Shaaaaake it!' is our only directive. Shake it if you've got an ounce of body fat. Shake it if your hips are the size of Manitoba. 'Just shake it'. I watch myself in the mirror and notice I am the most uncoordinated of our small group, but I am shaking it and wearing the biggest smile on my face. Just when I think another pelvic thrust will be the end of me, we get a new instruction: 'Now grab a partner and shake it!'

The words 'Grab a partner' always seem to activate a residue of high school gym trauma for me. But having been a trauma therapist for a number of years, I can hopefully respond a bit better now to situations in my own life involving fear. 'Okay, grab a partner. Shake it. No big deal.' The following 15 minutes of pelvic grinding would occur 2 inches away from the body of someone I had known for 20 minutes; and much to my delight, I had never felt more like myself. Maybe it was the happy African music, maybe it was all that shaking loose, maybe it was the fact that when every part of your body is moving uncontrollably in close proximity with another being, there isn't much room for inauthenticity.

When we let go of trying to hold it all in, whether it be our emotions, our tummies, or our pain, we can feel tremendously free. As we let go of our need to control, the unreal just falls away and there we are: moving our booties in synchronicity with the booties of laughing strangers. You can't fake it when you shake it. So I resolve to do more shaking in my life. Shaking up bad habits, like fear. Shaking out old identities and tired energy. Shake it 'til you make it.

Expecting Miracles: The Sacred Play of Surprise

2010-04-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

As a child I had a deep capacity to get excited about things, particularly on two days of the year: Christmas and Easter. Not much has changed from my childhood, except that I now get up at 7 am on a holiday instead of 4 am. When I was expecting a surprise, I could barely contain myself, lying awake all night anticipating the miraculous appearance of Santa or the Easter Bunny.

In fact, when asked if I still believe in their existence, I nod emphatically. It was my grandmother who made firm this belief. When I was old enough to understand, she explained:

'Catherine, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real, because they're other words for Love.'

Is it not the power of Love that makes miracles happen? And doesn't this Great Love take deep delight in surprising us with all kinds of goodness, on a daily basis? Magic is real my friends and the more we delight in its sacred play, its unexpected blessings and sudden joys, the more confidence we have that the Universe is indeed conspiring to make us happy.

One of the wisest men I know, Rob Brezsney, explains this belief in his book, 'Pronoia':

"DEFINITION: Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It's the understanding that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It's a mode of training your senses and intellect so you're able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. HYPOTHESIS: Evil is boring. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of heroic genius. Pleasure is our birthright. Receptivity is a superpower. PROCEDURE: Act is if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Join the conspiracy to shower all of creation with blessings."

I wholeheartedly agree with Rob that we should expect miracles, not because Life is obligated to comply with our demands for what we want (RIGHT NOW!), but because Life delights in its sacred play and its benevolence. If we are pronoid about it all, we might even be surprised to find boons in the most unexpected places.

Good Friday and the Garbage Jesus

2010-04-02T08:01:00.001-07:00

Of all places, I wasn't expecting to find Jesus in the garbage. We hadn't encountered one another for a number of years, so when I found him all busted up, half attached to his cross in the garbage of the prayer room, I was at once disturbed, delighted and surprised. At the time I was living in an interfaith yoga ashram where it was common to see statues of the Buddha, Mary, Krishna, and the Goddess side by side, like players of the same team. At the time of this encounter Jesus had been on the bench in my own life for quite some time. I grew up in the Anglican Church, but began seeking other ways of understanding Spirit in my teens and early twenties.

As I gazed at this trashed icon I began to remember why. Here lay a tortured, dying God, suffering for my sins, original and otherwise. The image of his suffering face suddenly evoked a great sadness in me and I immediately felt compelled to attempt a decruxifiction from his beat-up wooden cross. As I began pulling the nails out of his hands and feet, I began to realize how little I truly understood about this man, his life and his teachings. Everything I had learned about him had come to me filtered through the translated writings of many other fallible human beings, who tended towards literal, narrow, and culturally contextual interpretations of things others had told them.

Rather than relate to the Jesus I had been told about, I opened myself to seeing this man and his life as a symbol. Here was a man who died young for what he believed in, who tried to heal people and taught the Law of Love above all else. He gave up what he couldn't keep for something he could never lose. Remembering this felt healing for me. In my need to resist the restrictiveness and limitation I experienced in my early spiritual life, I had thrown the baby Jesus out with the bathwater. Why is it so easy to do this when something no longer fits us? Rather than take what we need from an experience, we create ways to make it bad or wrong.

I kept the Garbage Jesus, his body and broken limbs. I threw out the cross and the nails.

WWAFPD

2010-03-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

Last week I caught the urge to purge and began spring cleaning through boxes of memorabilia from my early life. As per my last post, I've been continuing to sort and have the occasional laugh or insight about the past by looking at it from the solidity of the present. I have the good fortune to access much of my artwork and first writing from kindergarten and grade school, which my parents thoughtfully kept.

Amongst the gems is a diary I kept when I was first learning to write. Because my vocabulary was limited I often supplemented my work with pictures: 'Here is me with my family. Here is me with my Cat. I love my Cat.' I was expecting to see more stick people in these journals in typical 6 year old style. But no, in all these early pictures I appear as a princess, with wings, a crown AND a magic wand, absolutely regardless of what I'm doing.

When do we stop seeing ourselves this way? It is not atypical of small children to see themselves as royalty and super heroes, beautiful and powerful beyond belief. I distinctly remember thinking I had magical powers as a child. Maybe I should rephrase that, I remember knowing I did. Perhaps this is why we glorify our childhoods so much: in some ways we're actually much more certain of who we are at this age.

We aren't afraid of our imaginations. We use them. We use them to solve problems and to see ourselves and Life in new and interesting ways.

That is why I gain so much strength from my child self. In her I see great creativity and fearlessness, the power to ask 'why not.' Why not wear your favourite shirt almost everyday? Why not paint the living room yellow? Why not buy the $8 juice and the $5 yoghurt, because that's what a fairy princess would do (well, a fairy princess would probably have someone to wash her clothes, paint the living room and do her grocery shopping...but! I'm not that kind of princess :)

The next time I feel uninspired, frustrated, or stuck I'm going to bust out my new motto: WWAFPD (What Would A Fairy Princess Do?)

Spring Cleaning

2010-03-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

The Virgo is out of the closet. So she can clean it that is. Yes I'm a big nerd. I love cleaning and organizing stuff. Unless it's 30 years of personal history that has been shoved away in a large closet until I 'could get to it.'

The getting happened this morning. Fueled by a vat of coffee and an even greater amount of curiosity, I began the task of sorting through piles of papers and photos. It's hard not to get nostalgic when handling a love letter from your first boyfriend, your high school year book, or your photos from that trip to Peru.

Just when I thought I couldn't get higher from all that good-memory induced serotonin, I struck gold. My journals! I've always thought if my house was burning to the ground I would be trying to lug two rubbermaid tubs of notebooks out the door.

As I started reading at random, I was struck by the similarity of my writing at 16, 20, 25 and 30. And then it hit me, I've been writing the same journal for 15 years! (Struggling with X, Hoping for Y, Noticing X again, Maybe Y will happen sometime soon, Geez I'm sure having a hard time with X...).

My initial reaction was self-judgement. Jesus Catherine! After 15 years could you still be struggling with and hoping for the same things! But I'm not good at staying frustrated for long, including with myself. Growing isn't a linear process. I can't resolve the story of my life at 16, 20, 25, or 30.

And yet, looking back over my writing, I realize the gift of this exercise: seeing that analyzing something, writing about it, recording it, is valuable, but not the same as taking action. When I think about dealing with issue X or manifesting hope Y, I realize the only success I've had in 15 years is when I decided to actually DO something about it. Perhaps all that writing was a way of preparing myself for taking baby steps. Perhaps it was a way of gaining insight and consciousness. Perhaps it was also a way of delaying action, because friends, action can be scary.

When we spring clean, we don't shove the dirt under the rug or the clutter back in the closet. We use our hands and we deal with it. We pick up the tools we need, because we don't need to do this alone or without help. But we move, and we move on.

Reading back over the past 15 years, I see there will always be more spring cleaning to do and only some of it is in my storage cupboard.

What could use a little clean up in your life?

Pain as Teacher

2010-03-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

Suffering. The Buddha said most of us can substitute this word for 'Life.' But he also offered a way out of the struggle, pain and the general annoyances will we eventually encountered as a result of being alive. And yes friends, we will all suffer at some point. Our bodies will hurt, people will treat us unkindly, and someone will mess with our hearts. We'll stub our toes, some of us will be hungry, lose our loved ones, and then we'll all die. Not a pretty picture. Or is it?

When the Buddha taught that life is suffering, he was acknowledging that suffering is born of the mind, not of conditions themselves (the stubbed toe, failed relationship, or death of a loved one). Conditions are facts. We get to add whatever we want to the stubbed toe (damn it! who put that chair there!), the failed relationship (She's such a ****ing ****), or the death of a loved one (life's so unfair).

I love the Buddha's teachings, because he taught plain and simple that Sh*t happens (vipassana) and when it happens to you, you can add more suffering to your situation, or go to your heart and make something beautiful of it (metta). The practices of vipassana (seeing things are they really are: temporary) and metta (loving-kindness) teach us to skillfully deal with suffering. Because there is nothing stable in human affairs, we can learn to trust that when suffering comes, it comes as a temporary teacher, a sessional instructor of sorts.

Instead of resisting or avoiding the suffering of life, we can simply say 'ouch'. We can feel where it hurts instead of blaming ourselves or others for the fact that we suffer. Suffering is a natural part of being alive. If we are willing students, we can take its weekend workshop instead of its PhD program. Nothing lasts, unless we keep it alive by adding fuel to its fire. Pain teaches us to feed the greater fire of compassion, the one the Buddha asked us to feed when he invited us all to be great lights unto the world.

Who Sees You?

2010-03-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

If you want someone to tell it like it is, ask a two year old. Never before in my life have I witnessed a being say NO with such clarity and conviction as my two year old niece. She's the most important guru in my life right now, and let me tell you, she gets 'NO.' In fact, the confused expression on her face when you ask her the same question for the second time is always a lesson for me that one NO is enough. There is no room for gray here.

No need to explain, sugar coat the truth or deny what feels good. Wearing socks and shoes is oppressive, so off they come. Watching Toopy and Binoo is the flavor du jour, even after 5 incessant hours. An oversized blanket and two chairs is a magical fort, because that's how it is.

After Hour 3 of Toopy and Binoo, I thought I would treat the guru to one of my favourite childhood cartoons: Jem and the Holograms. As a child of the 80s, Jem was my hero: a 'Truly Outrageous' rock star with pink hair, a knack for saving the world, and a closet of outfits that made a come back last summer. Although I knew my niece was a little young to get it, I was curious what she might think of it all. As Jem appeared on the screen, a proclamation was made. With the confidence of having successfully identified a new object in two year old reality, my niece exclaimed "Aunt Cat" and pointed at my childhood hero.

I started trying to explain in two year old speak, but her mind was made up: "Aunt Cat" she insisted. In the eyes of a two year old, I am a rock star. In spite of my own shyness, or fear or insecurities, she sees me clearly. And who am I to argue?

Spring Feelings and Marilyn Monroe

2010-03-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

I never had a good relationship with spring. As a kid it was report card time. As an adolescent: the time between Christmas holidays and summer holidays. As a young adult: the time when all your university friends disappeared and you had to start thinking about (blah!): summer employment.

This all changed for me the April of my 23rd year. I was completing my yoga teacher training in a beautiful rural setting in the interior of BC. I had spent a good deal of my time there in silence, plunging to the depths of my subconscious and striving to (once and for all!) sort myself out so I could be the 'perfect' person I so longed to be. I came up for air one morning as I awoke to the sound of birds singing love songs to one another outside my window. I remember crying and crying just listening to the return of the Life Song to the land, and to my own heart.

I feel in love with spring at that moment. No matter how barren a landscape is...No matter how dormant, tight, dull or dry: spring is promised. I took this deeply to heart as a reminder that our Mother Nature shows us to have faith in the cycles of our lives.

Ever since my love affair with listening to the birds, I have been on the look out at this time of year for what I've come to call my 'spring feelings.' It's a stirring of the heart, in anticipation, of the new life that is to come. It's walking down 10th Ave in Vancouver on a Sunday and hearing two people making love wildly through their wide open window. It's walking in Queen Elizabeth Park and sharing a bench with a lady who tells me she's come up here to see if the blossoms are out yet. It's shopping on Commerical Drive and noticing a blow up poster of Marilyn Monroe. It's really looking at her and seeing she was a size twelve. She's got generous thighs and arm fat, and she's so incredibly beautiful; as all women in spring are.

Spring is the promise of generosity and goodness: and it's promised to you too. Enjoy :)

Who Would be Coming?

2010-03-05T07:09:00.000-08:00

We can never underestimate our abilities to change people lives forever. A word, a smile or a simple act of kindness has a profoundly transformative power that we may be totally oblivious to in the moment. I reflect on this often when I look back at my own life. I still remember simple things that people have said to me, without ever meaning to change my life forever. Yet their words have stayed with me always, and I am a different person because of them.

We all have the capacity to help others transform. This most often happens when we are acting authentically, and living from our hearts. When we try to change people, this usually backfires on us. When we have agendas for others, however well-intentioned, we are usually the ones that suffer, and our great plans for improving the lives of others fall flat.

I think that the best way to bring about radical change, is to concern ourselves with becoming the best people we can, and from that place, help others to grow not by telling, but by showing.

Those that would show, rather than tell, are often the ones we remember. Who will remember you?

When I ask 'Who Would be Coming?', I mean to your funeral. This question can evoke anxiety and sadness, but my intention in offering it is to remind us of the preciousness of our lives. We never know how much time we have left to make a difference in the lives of others. Life is very short, and I have found that living with this reality can bring greater joy, purpose, and intention into my daily actions and interactions.

Who will be coming to thank you at the end of your life? What will they say about how you have changed their lives forever? And if there will be no one, with nothing to say, what can you do about that today? Right now?

The Potency of Forgiveness

2010-02-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

"He’s no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." (Jim Elliot)

In approaching the March 21st celebration of Spring Equinox, I think about this time of year as an opportunity to let go of what is no longer serving me. This can take many forms: that second cup of coffee, too many late nights, avoiding conversations that need to happen sooner. We all have habits, beliefs and ways of being in the world that don't serve us. One which I want to address is the practice of holding grudges: against ourselves, others, or whole groups of people.

In many of the world's spiritual traditions, forgiveness is praised as a virtue and a practice. If you've lived even a short while on this planet, you've probably been trespassed against. Consciously or unconsciously, you have caused harm to other beings, and vice versa. To be alive is to participate in a Great Flow of Energy, a Great Interchange in which we experience not only suffering, but Great Love.

In my experience, forgiveness is the gateway to Great Love. The majority of my own forgiveness practice has been centered around one person - myself. The more I soften, forgive, and accept my own self, the much greater my capacity to do this for others. I have found that unless I empty myself of self-judgement and self-suffering, I cannot authentically extend acceptance and care to others.

Sometimes we doubt the potency of forgiveness. We see it as wimpy...signaling apathy, defeat, and even naivety. We fear forgiveness because our grudges make us feel as though we are preventing future harm to ourselves. If we hang onto anger and resentment, then we feel like our hurt is acknowledged. By withholding our forgiveness, we can feel more in control. I know that I sure can.

This is not to say feelings of anger should be dismissed. I think anger is a beautiful and important teacher, and suppressing this emotion makes things go terribly awry in the psyche and the body. Yet, holding onto anger past its usefulness is like us ingesting rat poison and expecting the rat to die (as said some brilliant person whose name I don't know!). The only person who our anger affects is ourselves. It does not have the effect we often hope for: which is to alter another person's behaviour.

So forgiveness is the potent practice of ending suffering, within ourselves: the only people we have the power to truly change. In the words of Holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom: "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you."

Generalizing the Olympic Spirit

2010-02-24T06:24:00.000-08:00

Go Canada Go. If you live in Vancouver this phrase is plastered on bodies, buses, and advertising all over the city. I could choose to fill this space with commentary about the 2010 Winter Games, and the impact, positive and negative they have had/are having/will have on our community. However, I'm more interested in this sweeping wave of nationalism, enthusiasm, and energy that has been generated over the last week or so. In national polls, Canadians are reporting that these games have increased their sense of national pride and identity. You can barely cross the street in Vancouver without encountering a roving sea of red.

What is this energy that compels people to purchase anything and everything red and plastic, and display their support for a cause with such fierce and energetic love? If we can rally with such Big Love around our athletes, it gives me hope that we can learn to rally around other worthy causes also. What makes this time so powerful is not only the hypnotic power of media coverage, but perhaps more strongly (and vulnerably) our need to BELONG. We have a deep need within us as humans to be part of a community. In our intimacy and community-starved culture, I think we fill our needs for belonging however best we can.

And what a beautiful desire this is of the human heart - the pull to connect, to belong. It has generated tremendous energy over the last week. I think this time is also reflecting another beautiful capacity we have as humans: the need to cheerlead for others. It saddens me to think that the energy we've generated over the last week is being directed towards athletes alone. Can you imagine what your children might achieve if they new the whole tribe, the whole country was behind them?

It is my prayer for the world that we learn to generalize the Olympic spirit. If we can generate such rowdy love for people we barely know, I'm confident that one day, we'll learn to get riled about our children, world peace, and ending poverty. Sure there won't be jerseys, soaring testosterone levels and giant media budgets; but perhaps the essence of these games will teach us to get high off the intimacy that comes from community, and the endorphins that get generated when we support others to be their best.

Unmasking - Finding Big Love in our Awkward Selves

2010-02-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

For the life of me, I could not figure out what smelled so bad. The whole afternoon had passed before I even thought to check the bottom on my shoes. Mystery solved. I had been walking around work all afternoon spreading dog poo about the office. My first reaction: horror, my second: laughter, my third: a quiet acceptance of my humanity, the fourth: discreet efforts to remedy the situation!

Laughter and lightness is truly medicine, especially when coupled with the willingness to take responsibility for the inevitable mistakes, accidents, and embarrassing inevitabilities of being a human being. This incident made me realize how refreshing it can be to have ease with awkwardness. It's the peace that comes from saying, "Oh, there's a giant elephant in the room." Or, "oh, isn't that interesting, I was totally wrong." What lightness we can feel when we choose to bypass the feelings of shame that can come from making mistakes and go right to the softness and lightness of our hearts.

What an attractive quality I find this to be other human beings. I was once in relationship with a very clumsy soul. Everytime he would drop or break something, we would laugh and laugh and laugh. I recall falling a little deeper in love because of his vulnerability and ability to be human in those moments. You may have similar memories in your heart. Has anyone ever sincerely apologized to you, admitting that they've made a mistake? I know this always softens my own heart, as do those moments when we just tell the truth about ourselves. Even if it is messy, awkward, or covered in dog poo.

We can find Big Love everywhere. Check the bottom of your shoes :)

A Great Love Story

2010-02-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

Who are the Great Loves of your life?

I'm not talking exclusively about the people who've captured your heart romantically, but the people who've touched, changed, or opened it. The people who've healed it, held it, respected it, and seen the beauty of your sweet soul.

When I ran my first marathon, I dedicated each kilometer to one of the Great Loves of my life. My list included family, friends, romantic loves, soul sisters, teachers, mentors, people who have challenged me, and the children in my life. It was one of the most heart opening experiences I've ever. Writing my gratitude to those who have brought me a deep and fuller understanding of Love awakened me to the depth and breadth of Love that is all around.

The upcoming holiday of Valentines Day tends to focus on romantic love between two people who have committed to being in a relationship. This is wonderful and important; AND I'm wondering what it would be like to get bigger about the Great Love Story of our lives. This story might include the Love of the people who birthed us, raised us, and cared for us. The Love of the people who taught us to read, to write, and to love. The Love of the friends who play with us, laugh with us, support us, and bring us joy. The Love of our mentors who guide us and help us grow in wisdom. The Love of all our lovers and partners, past, present and future, who teach us about intimacy and communication. Who challenge us to grow and who have seen our beauty.

I was once told that all love letters and poems are written to the same source. When we see the Love in our lives, ALL of it, we are honouring the Great Love, which is the unifying principle of the Universe.

Many blessing as you celebrate Heart's Day! May your heart not be veiled from the Great Love that is all around you.

Why Wait

2010-02-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

A Buddhist teacher once offered me four very important reasons to live my life fully and completely Right Now:

One, my birth is rare and precious.
Two, I am going to die.
Three, what I do matters (ie - the law of Karma) and
Four, distracting myself from suffering does not end it.

In my estimation, the most powerful of these is number Two: I am going to die (eventually). It amazes me how I can dissociate from this reality at times. Yet, the truth of the matter is my life will end and I cannot be assured that after that happens I will be able to live a life with the same blessings, privilege and people in it.

I know this is a big dose of existential intensity for Monday morning, but let's think about this as an inspiration to wake up Right Now. Given the reality of death, what is truly important in your life? Last night I was spending time with two of my closest friends. We decided it would be a good idea to tell each other all the things we really love about one another. For a full fifteen minutes each of us received feedback about our virtues, our lovability, and the impact we had had on one another's lives. "I love the fact that you wear leopard print. I love your generosity. I love that you drove to the hospital at 1:00 am that time I was sick". It was like being at a funeral, only five hundreds times better: because rather than being dead, I am alive and still able to use the time that is left to bring more love, compassion, and goodness into the world.

Why wait to tell others how much you appreciate and love them? Why wait to tell them how much they have changed your life? We will lose everyone we love some day, by circumstance or the inevitability of death. Rather than this being a source of sadness, let it be a light that kindles the flame of love in our hearts.

The Endless Circle: Living by the Generosity of All Beings

2010-02-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

“Have you ever been loved? I bet you have been loved so much and so deeply that you have become jaded about the enormity of the grace it confers. So let me remind you: To be loved is a privilege and prize equivalent to being born. If you're smart, you pause regularly to bask in the astonishing knowledge that there are many people out there who care for you and want you to thrive and hold you in their thoughts with fondness.” Rob Brezney

Let's chew on that, the idea that there are many, many people who care for you and support your happiness. In fact, many of these people may not be known to you or you may forget that their love and generosity supports your life. This morning I had banana for breakfast. I quite like bananas, in fact, I eat them everyday. Yet I've never grown one, picked one off a tree, or transported one from a country where they do grow to my own country. To do so would require a tremendous amount of my personal resources, and make my daily banana habit impossible. But there are some beings out there, who are unknowingly working very hard to give my body the nutrition it needs and the food I prefer (this is a great privilege my friends given so much of the world is hungry). Somewhere there is someone who is using their life energy to pick bananas. Somewhere there is someone who is using their life energy to transport them. Somewhere there is someone willing to sell them to me.

There is an endless, though sometimes invisible, circle of generosity encompassing us all. And in this world, made wider and flatter by technology and a global economy, we can no longer deny what has always been true: We All Need One Another So Badly. Our lives depend on the labours, the contributions, and the life energies of all other beings. Is this not Great Love in disguise?

When we were born into the world, there was a family to greet us, air to breathe, and water to drink. Conditions were perfectly arranged on earth to support your life and you getting to exactly this spot on your personal journey. Let's take a moment, to reflect with gratitude on the generosity and Big Love that supports our lives. From the person who sells you your morning coffee, to the person that cleaned the bathroom, to the person who picked your banana: all beings, through their own contributions and actions, support our happiness.

The Problem you Want to Have

2010-01-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

In honour of my favourite (and the only) holiday in February, I want to continue to reflect on the theme of Love.

Love is a compelling, healing, natural and omnipotent force in the life of a human being. Without Love in the form of affection, touch, and attachment, our development suffers in early childhood. Without Love in our lives as adults, we are more likely to develop physical and mental health problems, depressed immune systems, and dissatisfaction with our lives.

Romantic love, in the form of partnership, is perhaps the most common way us human beings learn about this powerful force. When we connect with other beings, physically and emotionally, our bodies produce 'happy chemicals' that enhance our well being. Partnership provides not only companionship, but countless opportunities for personal and spiritual development.

If you got a load of the Peter Cetera video in my last post, you might be well aware of some of the ideas about romantic love that float around in our culture. Our popular songs sing Love's praises and its torments; and just sometimes, they also point the way to how a successful relationship is built.

I'll make transparent my agenda here: I think being in an intimate relationship of any kind requires mindfulness, energy and intention. Our popular culture tends to objectify people and relationships. We enter relationship with expectations that another person should be a certain way, fulfill particular needs for us, or sometimes, stay the same person so we can feel safe. Is this entirely unrealistic?

Perhaps not. Is it not reasonable to expect to be treated with respect and honesty, or to have our basic needs for love, affection and care met in relationships where we invest much of our time and energy?

What can we expect of Love, when Love is by nature, generous, accommodating and forgiving? I love the following reflection on Love, sent to me by someone who was troubled by their search for a significant other:

"We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. . . it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that you’re ready to find a life-long mate. Only then do you finally know what you are looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you can gaze lovingly upon, and think, ‘This is the problem I want to have.’" Andrew Boyd

Perhaps when we've done enough work on ourselves, when we begin to do the life-long work that prepares us to be in relationship, we understand more and more about the perfect imperfections of being human. When we are generous with ourselves, aware of our own messiness and lovability, it seems easier to extend our Love outwards to others. We accept that to be in relationship, we must be willing to encounter our problems, our projections and our greatness, and apply the salve of Love to it all.

Big Love

2010-01-28T17:16:00.001-08:00

Cyndi Lauper. Trashy Madonna. Heart. If you and I were to swap ipods you could easily tell I have a deep affection for 80s music. But what you won't find on my playlist is a particular 80s by-product that I find both curious and unbearable: The Monster Ballad.

You know it. In fact, I bet you might even sing it in your shower. Or if you're like me, you might burst out laughing if you can stand it long enough to actually listen to the words. Are you detecting a little aversion here?

How can you identify a monster ballad?

Look for any of the following:

Outlandish claims regarding what one would do for love (would you really 'lie, die, walk the wire, steal or abandon all standards of ethical behavior for your beloved? and if so, is this a good thing?)

Co-dependent Demands for Self-Sacrificial Behaviour (such as giving away all your time, possessions, energy and money)

Promises of Eternal and Flawless Honesty, Loyalty, and Fidelity

Expressed certainty that Love will Last Forever

Now don't get me wrong here. Love is my favorite word and occasionally overhearing a Monster Ballad will tug at the strings of my heart. In fact, I think Monster Ballads could be an incredible tool, if it was understood that the kind of love described in them is a bigger and wider Love than most of us humans can practice flawlessly and with ease.

Unconditional, reliable, all sufficing, lasting love is a deep yearning of the human heart. The most common place to seek this love is in relationship with other humans, whether they are our partners, families, or friends. And we probably all know from our experience, that human Love is beautiful, healing, challenging, glorious and imperfect all at the same time. Relationships are nourishing and painful, life-affirming and messy, and more than anything else I can think of: opportunities to grow.

Sometimes we catch glimpses of the kind of love characterized by our favourite Monster Ballads, and sometimes it is the dangling carrot of our lives, always just out of reach. I believe in Big Monstrous Love, more than I believe in anything else in the Universe. But I also believe that this kind of love is much wider and bigger than our relationship to one other person, or to ourselves for that matter. Can you imagine what it would be like if we loved all beings and creatures with the intensity described in our favourite love songs? The world would probably explode!

But is not the belief in this possibility the dream that guides so many dreams?

More posts to continue on this theme. In the meantime, some ear candy from 1986 (okay, I admit it: I know all the words...Man, somebody better bottle the Big Love Peter Cetera is feeling! Check out his dance moves!)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Y7JZZhK1aU

Be-Longing: Yearning for Wideness

2010-01-24T09:15:00.000-08:00

Belonging. My sense of this word is as an expression of our very human need to feel part of something, to have a place in the world and a connection to something beyond ourselves. In my meditation study group the other evening, a participant turned this word on its head for me. He made note of it's compound nature:

Be. Longing.

When I look at Be Longing this way, the two separate words create a new relationship to one another, which makes me question:

What is the being-ness I am longing for?

When I sit with this question, I think about my Longing to Belong. I think about being the last person to be chosen in gym class, being in a room full of people I have nothing in common with, and the human desires to be known, understood and accepted, just as we are. In its essence, this longing to belong emerges from a deep desire to simply Be myself. When I feel I belong somewhere or with someone, I feel natural and at ease. I feel relaxed and my heart is open. I feel safe.

This sense of safety that comes from belonging can also be a trap if we use it to separate ourselves from those who 'do not belong' to the cocoon we have created. How easily a sense of belonging can breed the conditions that create the camps of us vs. them. This creates much suffering in our world.

Yet if we can stay wide enough in our Longing we may notice that that which we truly Long for and Belong to, is wide also. Yes, I belong to a family, a workplace, and the female sex. But I also belong to the human family and to Mother Nature. I long to be loved, accepted and understood by other beings, but I also Long for Bigger and Wider Love, Peace and Authenticity. It is these qualities, these states of being-ness that I truly Long for, and they are within. When I drop my Longing, I sometimes get a tiny glimpse of what it feels like, to just Be. When I stop looking outside myself, I find what I seek inside and seeing it there leads me to see it everywhere.

When Cheap is Good: How Simplicity Blesses your Wallet and the World

2010-01-19T18:41:00.000-08:00

January 18th was allegedly the most quantifiably depressing day of the year, or so I read in the paper this week. The holiday visa bills are rolling in. Monsoon season sets in in Vancouver, and the next public holiday is months away. We would charge that all-inclusive vacation to our credit cards, but we are trying to be mindful of our finances. And that might just be the New Year's resolution we can actually keep this year, if we take this into account:

Cheap my friends, can be not only be good for your wallet, but also good for you! and not to mention the planet. And by cheap, I don't mean buying things that are poor quality, withholding needed resources from others, or buying only that which is made unethically. I mean looking at the true value of the things we invest our precious resources in. What costs little (or less) often returns much more value to us. Here are some examples:

1. Why Veggie is Good

I don't need to repeat the astounding amount of information that confirms the overconsumption of meat puts tremendous stress on the ecological health of the planet. If your body can afford to do so, eating vegetarian some or all of the time can not only be cheaper for you personally, but very kind to the planet's endangered resources. Eating beans, eggs, tofu, nuts, and seeds as alternative protein sources may also contribute to better health, depending again your particular body and health situation.

2. Why Transit is Good

Taking the bus, walking, carpooling, and cycling are all much cheaper than the cost of driving every day. Walking will cost you nothing and give you the benefit of your daily workout at the same time. Also at the same time, we cut down on harmful gas emissions. Yay me, Yay Planet!

3. Why the Library is Good

Using your public library instead of buying books, magazines, DVDs or CDS is one of the best cheap and good things I know of. How many times have you really read that book twice? Why read it twice when there might be another book that interests you more that is waiting on the shelf at the library for you to read, for free? The more we share our books, the less trees we need to cut down.

4. Why Deep Breathing is Good

We all know that feeling, when we think we REALLY NEED something. I'm the first to raise my hand. I REALLY NEED to take that vacation. I REALLY NEED red shoes. I REALLY NEED a new computer to write my blog posts. Part of being human is REALLY NEEDING things, really. But sometimes, there is a fine line here. When I REALLY NEED a vacation, I might actually need to build more relaxation into my daily life. When I REALLY NEED red shoes, I might actually want to be more creative and expressive. When I REALLY NEED a new computer, I might actually be able to make due with what I've got. When I can REALLY BREATHE in these moments before I make decisions about my resources, it helps me make better choices. Rather than buying something on impulse, I have found it wise to reflect on the value it will bring into my life. Sometimes it is worth it, sometimes not.

To take it one step further, sometimes it is not worth it when I consider the impact my actions will have on others. As a human and an ecological family, all beings depend on one another, and on one another's resources. Our ability to appropriately manage our resources will have a imperative impact on the future health of all beings. So let's get cheap, for ourselves and our world!

Sharing the Benefits: The Wider Goal of Self-Bettering

2010-01-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had the good privilege of sitting with a hundred people in silence. Over the course of two days, we sat through physical and emotional pain, boredom, and the incessant chatter of our own minds. For some, this experience might represent their personal vision of hell. For others, a silent retreat might represent a heavenly refuge from the noise and busyness of daily life.

'What brings us here?' I always think to myself while on retreat. What compels me and a hundred other people to stay still, be quiet and listen? What benefit does this bring to me? To others? In my own experience, shutting up and listening to myself has invited profound joy, challenge and transformation into my life. Whatever your spiritual or self-care practice might be, there are a host of benefits that research (and personal experience!) associate with taking time to cultivate relaxation, peace and insight.

This weekend was also reminder to me of the wider goal of self and spiritual care. When I meditate, I feel calm, relaxed, grounded and well. However, these blessings don't just benefit me. When I am calm and relaxed I respond to others with care and gentleness. When I practice extending loving kindness to myself it spills more easily onto others. When I invest in developing to my greatest potential I can inspire other people, treat them well, and impact the world in ways I don't see or understand.

I was reminded this weekend that when we attend to the healing of our own hearts, this impacts our beloveds, our communities, and ultimately, our world in tremendous ways. May all beings and creatures benefit from our efforts to better our lives. May we be examples onto others, and as we develop in our kindness and wisdom, may we experience the natural and spontaneous inclination to treat others as ourselves, and share the blessing of our practice with all we encounter.

As you Are: Connecting with Basic Okayness

2010-01-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

The self-improvement wheels are spinning fast and furiously at this time of year. My gym, once barren at the ungodly hour of 6:00 am, is now packed with cardio initiates. Fridges, once filled with take-out containers and treats, are now stuffed with health food. Journals, once containing page upon page of existential and personal angst, are now filled with ideas about how to improve our lives.

As a self-admitted self-improvement devotee, I always fall in love with the hopefulness of January. I love that I, like so many others, believe wholeheartedly in a vision of my best self. Though in the midst of this fury of self-bettering activity, I find it helpful to connect with this very important reminder: I am okay, no matter what.

If I miss my workout and sleep in, I'm okay. If I'm holding a muffin and coffee in my hand after swearing off sugar and caffeine, I'm okay. If I've committed to dropping that old belief, pattern and habit and oops! there I am again, acting it all out, I'm okay.

Nothing can eradicate our basic okayness. We are good, just as we are, because this world is a basically good place and we have a place in it. Sure, we can do things to improve our lives and the lives of others. Sometimes we may need to be very disciplined and hard working to achieve the things we deserve and the create the world we want to live in. And, at the same time, when we are at peace with ourselves, when we know we are deserving of our positive regard, no matter what, these changes seem so much easier to make.

When we are gentle with ourselves as we invite change, we remove the need to punish or reward ourselves, to be good for being one way, or bad for being another. By making ourselves and others less black and white, we see more of that beautiful colour grey, the hue of peace.

Get off the Bench: Lessons from my five minutes of Break Dancing fame

2010-01-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

As I stepped onto the dance floor yesterday I had to admit that I felt a little out of place. Surrounded by 20 year olds who seemed to be dressed more appropriately for the task at hand, I began to have one of those 'old fart' moments, when you become acutely aware of the generation gap. In my comfortable and ordinary clothing I may not have looked like your typical break dancer, but I sure did want to be one on the inside, which was enough to bring me to this class, prepared to make a total and utter ass out of myself.

I've often asked myself:

What would my life be like if I wasn't afraid to appear totally inexperienced, vulnerable and unsure?

Well, I might have more fun, be doing more of what I really love, and I might just be a break dancer. Yesterday I certainly was, and for all I five minutes, I might have looked like one too (an inexperienced and unsure one with a big smile on her face). I have always loved dance and been particularly impressed with skill, style and flow of Breaking. I can't even describe how amazing it felt to be in a class yesterday, attempting something I love but have always thought impossible. And in many ways it was impossible. Breaking requires lots of strength, skill and practice and I spent a lot of the class feeling new, lost and uncoordinated. But I was off the bench and I'm learning that I would rather be in the game of the Life than on the sidelines waiting until I feel safe.

What an amazing lesson for me yesterday, that fear is best overcome by diving in and making a mess of yourself. If life grows or shrinks in proportion to one's fearlessness, then my world got a little bigger and a little more fun yesterday.

What would 2010 be like if you weren't afraid to make an ass of yourself?

Oatmeal Explosion - Welcoming the Fool

2010-01-01T08:49:00.000-08:00

2009 ended on a note of hilarity for me, causing me to reflect on the wisdom of the mighty guru featured here to our left, The Fool. The catalyst: an early morning mishaps on New Year's Eve involving me, a large bowl of oatmeal and one of those moments in time when you aren't sure whether to laugh or cry. The scene: rushing to eat breakfast. The slow-motion sequence: me, watching myself trip over my cat and launch projectile oatmeal into the centre of my living room. The result: wide-spread glutenous carnage splattered across my entire living space. The task at hand: cleaning oatmeal out of my guitar case, my hair, my cat's hair, my furniture and even off my bookshelf. Surveying the ridiculous scene, a well of frustration began to bubble up inside; yet, when it reached my throat it escaped as a giggle, then full-blown laughter. It felt like life had just thrown a pie in my face. I realized I could decide whether this was tragic or comedic.

Which brings me to the wisdom of our dear Fool. Oblivious to the cliff he is about to step off, his face is turned upwards, arms wide open to whatever practical jokes Life has in store. The sun is shining above him, and holding a delicate flower in hand, he holds the beauty of Life close to him. Representing innocence and new beginnings, he reminds us that it is the child within that leads us to our Good. When we don't take ourselves so seriously we become Lighter, like the gentle steps of the Fool. As my wise friend Marni says, 'Expect to be Surprised.' When we know Life has some practical jokes in store, we can be a good sport and laugh when the punch line gets delivered. When things go awry we are not being punished, we are learning. If we take our lessons Lightly, we, like the Fool, can have much more fun along the way.

In 2010, I wish you Love, Light and Prosperity as you move towards your Good. May the wisdom of the Fool carry you forward, opening your arms and your heart to all experiences on your Path. Blessed be!

Photo credit: The Fool, Rider-Waite Deck

Lions and Hungry Ghosts

2009-12-28T08:21:00.000-08:00

Blessings to all as we find ourselves in the corridor between Christmas and New Year's. If this is the time of year that you celebrate a New Year, your thoughts may be turning towards 2010 and your intentions, hopes and dreams for the year ahead. I have always loved New Year celebrations because of my fervent belief that it is never too late to begin again, start over, and refresh our attention towards the plans, experiences and people that make us feel most alive.

So we will be spending some time, at Feed the Lion! on exploring our aliveness and how we can be more in touch with it in 2010. The title of this blog says it all when it comes to my approach to living a vibrant, meaningful life...we must learn to feed our soul what is truly nourishing to us. Only we can know what our soul food is.

If we aren't feeding our lions, we might be feeding our Hungry Ghosts instead. In the Buddhist traditions, our Hungry Ghosts are depicted with gigantic stomachs and tiny little pin-hole mouths. They can never consume enough, quickly enough to satiate their intense and constant hunger. This ghost story is intended as a teaching about desire. Wanting is part of being human. I believe that desire can be a very sacred energy. It is attachment to what we desire and misunderstanding our true needs which can cause suffering. Feeding the Lion is about being able to discern our true desires and authentic needs from our grasping at empty pleasure.

Empty pleasure means something different to all of us. When I'm eating my second muffin of the day, or spending too much time on the internet I know the ghosts are being fed. And that's fine too. This isn't about attaining a state of static perfection or being really hard on ourselves for needing comfort. But what I do know from my experience is that when my soul finds expression in the fabric of my life, the second muffin doesn't even cross my mind.

Let's make this the year we find our soul food and nourish the ghosts into wellness, into lions.

The Last Batch

2009-12-21T21:07:00.000-08:00

Many blessings to all on the shortest day of the year. This is a very special day for me, not just because it is the Winter Solstice, but also because it is my mother's birthday. I wouldn't dare publish her age on the internet for fear of the aftermath but I think it is safe to say she is entering her crone years :)

Wise she is indeed, and generous. As we were celebrating her this evening I asked her for some words of wisdom as she enters this next phase of life. In her sharing, all she could speak about was the importance of good relationships, of Family.

I know this can be a very complicated and difficult time of year for some families. Our families invite us to grow through both love and challenge. They support and trigger us and in the mix there might also be a great big bunch of Love and some unskillful means of expressing it.

Yet the foundation of any family, biological or created, is Love. Indeed a family is a little world, a microcosm created by Love. I have been so intensely blessed by the volume of Love in my family. Sometimes it catches me and invites me to be more mindful of all the details of their Love. It is easy to take Love for granted, or not to notice its delicate appearance.

Tonight I caught glimpses of the many details that compose Loving relationships. My dad taking pictures so we could all remember the evening. All the beautiful food that was prepared. My Aunt driving me to and from the train station so I would be safe. This is the fabric of Love. It is so easy to miss.

Perhaps tonight what stands out for me most was what I came home with: a package of my favourite Christmas squares. I've never met anyone else in the whole world that makes these cookies like my mom. There is a thick slab of chocolate icing, a layer of coconut macaroon and a sweet graham crust at the base. As I pulled one out to have with my tea I had a flash back to being in my grandmother's house after she died. My cousin found some of Nan's blueberry squares wrapped in foil in her freezer. We all cried when we realized it was the last batch we would ever have.

We never know when the last batch will come. It might be 20, 30, 40 years from now. It might be 5 days from now. This realization makes me wake up to the Love that is in my life right now. My mom loves me so much she baked me a vat of Christmas squares. Someone cares enough to call to see that I'm home safe. My cats are glad to see me.

I will gather with my family this holiday season and we will do ordinary things. If we are lucky, we will do them with the realization there is Big Love in small details.

May you and your beloveds dwell in awareness of Big Love as the wheel turns.

Brightest Blessings,

Catherine

Blessings from the Dark

2009-12-20T08:50:00.001-08:00

If you're a 9:00 to 5:00er, or even an 8:30 to 4:00er, you're probably not thrilled about the blanket of darkness that covers your departure from and return to your home at this time of year. As daylight reaches it's shortest appearance, it often feels as though night is eternal.

As nature invites us to dwell longer in the darkness, I believe she also asks us draw inward. I notice that at this time of year I require more sleep, more quiet time, and more gentleness in my daily rhythms. This invitation to rest is a deep blessing of the dark.

Blessings from the dark can be challenging to accept. Darkness invites us to wait, to rest, to be patient. It invites us to be receptive, to find Light inwardly, and to receive. If we make no argument with it, the Quiet Pause of the dark can nourish us deeply.

What keeps us from receiving such blessing? I think the idea of linear and exponential growth is deeply rooted in our culture. I believe there is a time for Better, Faster, and More. And what I'm learning is there is also space for Good Enough, Slower and Less.

I also think it is easy to devalue the Emptiness the Dark brings. I know I can fear that nothing is happening in latent periods. Spring is always promised; yet it seems so far away in the depths of winter. What helps me is to remind myself there is always so much happening in the fallow field. Rest and emptiness create the right conditions for new Life to occur. When we accept the blessings of the dark, we are preparing the soil of our bodies, hearts and minds for abundant growth and blessing.

Many blessings to all in the final days of darkness. May the Deep Rest of Winter bring you the greatest happiness, which is peace.

The Vacuum

2009-12-16T18:38:00.000-08:00

At first glance, the title of this post might lead you to believe you'll be reading about my love of power cleaning. Since my favorite household appliance broke I have to admit that vacuums have been on my mind lately, and not just the Electrolux variety: the big black hole-ish variety too. What I'm really thinking about is emptiness.

There is something that excites me about the quality of emptiness, whether that be an empty space, an empty canvas or an empty schedule. Sometimes emptiness is also scary. When we resist filling our lives, our minds, and our surroundings with stuff we are often met with a silence so loud it is almost deafening. This can be refreshing or terrifying depending on what is happening for us.

As we prepare for a new year, I often think about emptying myself out for the blessings of the New Year to come. If nature really does abhor a vacuum, then perhaps we can trust that making ourselves silent, open, and empty creates the conditions for us to receive our good. I often ask myself:

What am I holding onto?
What needs to be let go of in order for new blessings to be received?
What mental, emotional, or physical clutter am I living with? Is this blocking what wants to come forward next?

Such questions help me identify what I can let go of, so what is coming next has space to be. Sometimes there is also a welcome rest in the emptiness which is a blessing in and of itself :)

Tasa live at Lula Lounge · CBC Radio 2 - Concerts On Demand

2009-12-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a beautiful voice makes me cry. Song number three (Boatman's Song) burrowed its way into my soul. Enjoy.

Tasa live at Lula Lounge · CBC Radio 2 - Concerts On Demand

It's All a Gift

2009-12-14T11:43:00.000-08:00

If you're a human being you probably know something about the dance of pleasure and pain. From the day we are born it would seem we are conditioned to seek out, retain and get more of what feels good and try to avoid the messes, inconveniences and bad feelings that Life will eventually throw our way. Just take a mindful walk through an urban mall for five minutes and the insanity of the endless quest for happiness will be palpable (guess who was Christmas shopping today!). In North American culture, we suffer terribly from the desire to just feel okay. Grasping for reliable, stable pleasure and the certain avoidance of pain is a holy grail which underlies much of our consciousness. We all fall under this trance because it's part of being human.

Finding myself in the 'get pleasure, avoid pain' trap hurts. Sometimes I wake up from this trance of trying to control what Life puts on my plate. Sometimes I am as asleep as a bear in the dead of winter. Where I get stuck in my own journey is when I attempt to hold onto the goodness of Life. What helps me unstick is the idea of stewardship, which I wish to share with you.

Stewardship is the idea that nothing really belongs to us. Everything that is given to us, is given as a gift. We are not entitled to it. We have it for as long as we do, and eventually we will need to let it go. I'm not saying anything new. Many teachings, particularly Buddhist ones, talk about the conditioned nature of reality. All things are continuously rising and falling away. Things die and they are born. It is a very natural cycle. A very human one. The Buddha taught that the root of suffering is misunderstanding this. Is believing that we can hold onto anything forever.

Believing that there is nothing we can hold onto can create alot a fear and chaos. I know it does for me. Yet walking through the mall this morning, it also brought me alot of Joy. I could buy a ring, a coat, a new computer, but I would have to let it go eventually. Everything I own now will eventually decay. Everyone I love I will eventually lose, through circumstance or death. Should this be cause for depression? Should this stop me from loving who I love or enjoying all the beautiful things and experiences that Life has gifted me. Hell no. I makes me want to appreciate them. It makes me want to call my mom and tell her I love her. It wants me want to hug my friends and pet my cats. It makes me enjoy sipping my coffee instead of gulping it down. It makes me sit my beautiful, warm living room and love the home I have.

Knowing I am a steward, not an owner of all love, experiences and materials that pass into my life is a springboard to my Aliveness. In this way, everything is a gift which leads me to experience something better than pleasure: Joy.

Vacuum Cleaner Trauma

2009-12-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning was trucking along as usual: gym, coffee, breakfast and a Virgo Rising's favorite therapeutic activity: power cleaning. Much to my frustration, when I pressed the power button on my clunky, early 1990s Electrolux this morning, I was met with a mechanical whimper and sigh. My beloved vacuum cleaner was dead.

For my two cats, Punky and Boo, this is cause for rejoicing. Every time I open the closet that houses my vacuum, they run for cover, seeking out the safest and most secret places in my home. Clearly, they have some vacuum trauma. I think it is the sound as well as the sight of the massive, mechanical contraception that evokes a sense of terror.

Because I know it scares them so much, I normally let them outside until 'it's all over' and the big scary machine goes back into the closet. But knowing I will have to lug the contraption down the road to get it repaired, I left it by the door as I went about my morning.

Much to my surprise, later this morning I spotted Punky slowly approaching his arch nemesis. At first he just sat with this head cocked to one side and stared the vacuum down. Then, after some time, he began making slow and calculated movements towards it, as cats do when stalking their prey. He moved closer and closer until he was in sniffing distance of the vacuum. Realizing it was not going to move or make any noise he even rubbed up against it.

It got me thinking alot about the emotional equivalents of the big scary vacuum. You know, those memories, people or feelings that make us want to run for cover. Sure, there are many things in life we prefer to hide in a closet and pretend they don't exist. But this keeps us afraid, and ultimately, suffering.

I was thinking about my cat's approach to it all. Take the big scary thing out of the closet. Look at it from a safe distance. Size it up, see it. Then, when you're ready, move closer to it, one step at a time. Find out what it's all about. See if there is really anything to be afraid of. Are our problems really problems? Or is it that they make a lot of mental noise?

It's comforting to know we can always keep scary things out of sight when we need to: yet, when we open up the closet to find out what's there we become a little more free. We'll see what happens the next time I vacuum.

5 Reasons to act like you're 5

2009-12-09T18:20:00.001-08:00

Astrological Disclosure: I was born under the star sign of Leo. For those of you who know a bit about astrology, you probably won't be too surprised if you've been following my blog for a while or have had the good fortune of knowing me personally (kidding! - that was a little astrology joke).

Leo is the sign of the Lion, but also of the Child. We lions approach life playfully and tend to have fabulous or tumultuous relationships with the child within. I have always been fascinated by the wisdom, spirituality and resiliency of children. In fact, I think that children can be some of our greatest spiritual teachers if we treat them with the respect and care they deserve.

Having spent a good deal of time lately with some wee spiritual teachers, I've distilled 5 good reasons why I'm committing to act more like a 5 year old in 2010:

1. Go to bed at 7:30 - Guilt free!

Some of you know I'm nerdy about getting enough sleep. And as such, I'm nerdy about my bedtime. When I leave a party early evoking the ever-so-dull excuse 'I need to get to bed,' I get the occasional groan, but more often the nodding head response: 'Yeah, I should get more sleep'. Should regular bedtimes only be reserved for the very young and the geriatric? Man, five years old have it made.

2. Uncomplicated relationships with Food

Have you ever seen a 5 year old psychoanalyze whether or not they are going to eat a chocolate chip cookie? Eat their body weight in grapes? When my niece is finished eating or isn't hungry she confidently repeats her favourite new word: NO. Many of us could benefit from this very natural approach to food: let our bodies lead the way.

3. Time to play

A child's whole world is organized around play. It is how they learn, socialize and develop. I spent a whole morning building forts this week and feel psychologically and spiritually enriched for it. Who says play can't be productive too?

4. Fearlessly asking questions

I love this about kids. Most are naturally curious and wouldn't stop to think whether their questions are 'good' or 'bad.' They simply ask, and in their asking, often cause us to think of things in a new way.

5. Loving without Fear

Children are vulnerable beings, and they lack the power that adults have to make certain choices and direct their lives. Perhaps their vulnerability is what makes abuses against children particularly shocking and horrible. Yet there is also something so beautiful in the way that children trust and the ease with which they make friends. Remember when making a new friend was as easy as 'Hi my name is Catherine. Wanna be friends?' Unless those red flags are waving at us, let's not forget the beauty that comes from assuming the best of people.

I hope you'll enjoy being five. You might want to enlist the presence of a munchkin to help you in your practice (or a Leo :)

Generosity and the Generations

2009-12-07T14:20:00.000-08:00

In the last few days I have had the good fortune of spending time with the two wisest people I know: my spiritual mentor, Shirin, and my two year old niece. Both are generous with their love, affection and teachings and both got me thinking about being an active participant in the flow of wisdom that passes from generation to generation.

I am healthiest when I feel part of a community. The more diversity in my community, the better. That way, there are more opportunities to learn and there is also lots of support available, to give and receive.

My mentor Shirin is truly the most beautiful woman I know. Her entire being radiates light, love and pure confidence that the universe is here to bless and support us. Drinking tea in her living room while listening to her talk has helped me grow in ways I can't verbalize. I am so grateful for her wisdom and mentorship and wish that every young person has an elder like her to turn to for guidance.

It saddens my heart to think of how our elders are regarded in our culture. It seems as though as we age, we become more and more invisible. Our elders have so many stories and so much life experience to share. It frustrates me that many pass without passing the gifts of their experience to the next generation.

So what of this flow, this transmission of mentorship, history, and experience from generation to generation? Spending time with my niece this weekend after being with Shirin awakened me to the awareness that I, as I am aging, can contribute so much to the generations after me.

But I have to wake up to that and realize it is my responsibility. Regardless of whether or not we have children in our lives, we can find ways to participate in the flow of support that exists between generations.

We can spend some time with a child in our family or in the community

We can find an elder and just spend some time listening to them

We can consider the impact that our choices will have on coming generations

There are many ways to participate in this cycle of learning and contribution. What is incredible once you engage in the cycle is that you find in your giving you receive much, and vice versa. Every time my niece finds her toes and laughs it fills my heart up fully. Watching her grow is a joy, and I know it is no different for my own elders as they watch me change and grow. This kind of generosity is a thread through the ages of humanity, urging us to ask, what is the legacy we will participate in? What will we our lasting contribution be?

Developing Self-Compassion: Being Generous with Ourselves

2009-12-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

We all know that colloquialism, 'charity starts at home.' Home, for me, was also the place where people were proud of how much they gave away, how many people could fit at the dining room table and how the clan was filled to the brim with teachers, doctors, nurses, and um, counsellors. It's not surprising that generosity is second nature to me, having grown up with such incredible models of giving and service all around.

I remember when I first realized what I needed to learn was how to also be generous with myself. I mean this only partially in a material sense. I can think of ways to treat myself that involve consuming products or experiences that please me. Yet when I consider what matters most in my life, I really want to be more self-generous with my own time, love, and consciousness. When I think this way I begin asking myself some good questions:

How do I talk to myself most of the time?

Do I have enough space in my life, just to be?

How do I demonstrate a generous amount of self-love?

When I make mistakes, do I respond to myself with gentleness or self-criticism?

Do I have enough compassion to give myself a break? a rest? enough pleasure?

Asking myself these questions can show me where I'm locked out of my own heart. If the heart is the key to generosity, we must start by examining our own. Our relationship with ourselves will form the foundation of how we relate to others, and examining generosity is an exploration of relating.

When you touch a space in your own heart that is in need of some compassion, it can be helpful to practice the Buddhist teaching of metta, or loving-kindness. In this practice, you send well wishes of kindness to yourself and others. In my own loving kindness practice, I place one hand on my heart and say to myself:

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you have all good things

This practice softens me while grounding me in the energy of the heart. From this foundation, my giving, my serving feels more easeful. Try this with language that makes sense to you and feel the difference that tending to your own heart makes in all your relationships.

Mo Money, Mo Happiness?

2009-12-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. Check out the latest from happiness researchers! Then go invest in your mental health, whatever that means to you. (Dance floor therapy anyone? Love up your pet therapy? How about some Staring at the Full Moon therapy? Or eating a beautiful meal with Someone you Love therapy?)

Psychological therapy 32 times more cost effective at increasing happiness than money

Generosity: Giving our Gifts to the World

2009-11-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

"My name is Catherine and I am a recovering artist" is how I initially thought to title this post. When I think about writing on the subject of offering our unique gifts to the world, I begin to swim in an ocean of personal experience. My own journey in identifying and reclaiming my creative gifts is essentially a story of forgiveness, which in the language of my consciousness, is another word for generosity.

I believe there are gifts, contributions and expressions of love that only we can deliver to the world. No one else can love like us. No one else can think exactly like us. No one else can smile, laugh, comfort, write, work or sing like we do. Although we are no better or worse than anyone else on the planet, I believe we are all Special and the world would not be the same without us.

I also believe that we all have access to an awareness of what makes us Special, either consciously or subconsciously. Sometimes we know what our gifts are and we are actively using them. Sometimes we are conscious of our potential, but the risk of actualizing it feels too painful. Sometimes our gifts are buried so deeply we only catch whispers of them.

The fact is the world needs us, regardless of how prepared we are to deliver our unique contributions to it. The world needs us awake, contributing and simply being ourselves. Personally, I invested many years in not being myself and pouring energy into experiences where my authentic dreams, desires and talents could not be expressed. My soul urged me to just be myself, but I feared that what I had to offer would not be enough to make me happy. Even deeper down, I feared it would not be enough to make the world happy. Who needs to hear my three chord songs? Who wants to hear what I have to say? Does the world really need another artist?

At some point I realized all these artistic insecurities were rooted in self-centeredness. Not the egoic inflation kind of self-centeredness, but the self-centeredness that comes from ego deflation. Instead of asking myself the question, "Who do you think you are?" I began asking, "Who do you think you are NOT to offer what is within you?"

This is where generosity comes in: it is not for us to decide the value of our contributions. We never know how what we have to give can change someone's life forever. A smile, a word, a poem, a presence can transform the way we see everything. Many artists will speak of how difficult it can be to release control over how our work will be received in the world. When we realize we do not have control over the reactions of others, generosity becomes easier because we are giving simply because it feels real. Simply because it feels good. Simply because it feels authentic.

In this way, our giving becomes a sacred and loving interchange with Life itself, an affirmation that in this human family we all need each other. We need each other to show up as we are and cast the contents of our hearts into the world in trust that they will seed something good. Sometimes we get to see what this goodness looks like. Sometimes we don't. Yet if we trust the process of giving, we have (at the very least) given ourselves two significant gifts: self acceptance and self expression.

Receiving: The Second Sacred Relationship Dynamic

2009-11-27T07:37:00.000-08:00

After writing the last post I couldn't wait to write more about the topic of generosity, and more specifically, about receiving (the counterpart to giving). As mentioned in my last post, giving and receiving are dynamics that are closed wedded and must operate together. They are processes that are deeply embedded in our relationships: our relationships to ourselves, to Spirit, to our loved ones, to nature, to our community.

Just as exploring what compels us to give, I am equally curious about our relationship to receiving. In our culture, receiving can be many things. It can be greedy. It can be nourishing. It can be seen as selfish. There are many ways we can either block ourselves from receiving our good, or feel so entitled to getting what we want that we have little regard for the welfare of others.

As was pointed out by one of my beloved readers via the comments box, none of this is black and white. Relationships (of any kind) are multidimensional and unique. So as we explore our relationship to receiving, let's keep in mind it can be many things at different times and in different contexts.

So how do giving and receiving function together? And what does this have to do with generosity. Well, in my view, giving and receiving are natural processes that represent not only how our relationships operate, but also the life cycle itself. We receive air with each inhalation and with each exhalation we give our breath back to the atmosphere. There is an ingoing and outgoing tidal, tribal rhythm to almost everything in the universe. We might see the ingoing rhythm as the process of receiving, of drawing in and the outgoing rhythm as sending out, as the process of giving.

As with the breath, if we want to exhale (to give of ourselves) we must first inhale (or take into ourselves). We cannot give unless we have first been receptive to the resources, energy, time or love we wish to send back out to the world. Sure, we can force some air out of our lungs if we try really hard, but this usually ends up leaving us feel depleted and uncomfortable.

A newborn does not come into the world and exhale. Her initiation into the world is by drawing her first breath from the atmospheric abundance. And by this receptivity, her life outside the wombs begins.

Generosity: Giving to Get or Giving to Live

2009-11-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

It's getting to be that wonderful and appalling time of year again. The time that seems to bring out the best and the very unskillful in us humans: the holidays. I consider November a tad too early to be bombarded by Bing Crosby's White Christmas on a rainy night visit to the drugstore; but here we are. One great thing about the holidays is that they gives me a theme for the next series of blog posts: Generosity.

This approaching time of year can feel like Generosity on steroids. From mid-November to mid-January we are encouraged to give lots of gifts, make charitable donations, participate in creating miracles and believe wholeheartedly in the dream of peace on earth. I find myself, like many others, asking why we reserve a two month period to practice what could be a way of life for us.

Let's reflect on what it means to be truly generous. Think about what you have to give and more importantly, why you give.

Do you give confidently, without attachment to receiving in return?

Do you give to get something back?

Do you give because you want to be perceived as a good person?

Do you give out of fear?

Out of love?

As a way of trying to trap others or secure their love or high regard?

These are not easy questions to answer, yet worth some reflection as we approach the season of generosity. We'll continue to explore over the next series of posts, but first let's get clear about our relationship to giving. In the next post, I'll provide some reflections on receiving, Giving's divine counterpart. These two are so deeply wedded that one cannot exist without the other, and true generosity requires intimacy and ease with both partners.

Why 'Bad' is Easier

2009-11-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

I've had some pretty fascinating conversations with folks after writing the last post on finding gratitude for the people that challenge us. It got me thinking about this whole concept of 'bad'. Bad people. Bad ideas. Bad kids. Bad timing....

The culture of bad fascinates me because in some ways it seems like a giant cop-out. Think of how easy it is to make someone or something bad. The word bad is the ultimate conversation stopper. It leaves no room for exploration, context or dialogue. In fact, it is a rather dull word in my opinion because it crushes the hope that that thing, person or idea can be anything more than what we've decided it is.

Call me Pollyanna (yes, it is my middle name), but isn't there hope for everything?

In my view we cannot divorce the act of being alive from the need to hope. Hope is another word for expectation, and when it comes to living, there are many things we consciously or unconsciously expect. Each time we exhale our body hopes to draw the breath of life back into our bodies. When we go to bed each night, most of us hope we will wake up the next morning.

When things are simply 'bad', there is no hope and no work to do. We give up on trying to understand that person, thing or idea and we also (very conveniently) do not have to face the feelings and reactions that the 'bad' person or thing evokes in us. Fear, insecurity, powerlessness and confusion are usually lurking in the culture of bad.

If we can reframe our need to make stuff bad as an attempt to protect us from intense feelings, then perhaps we can have some compassion for ourselves (we're not so 'bad' either!). We just want to feel good and that the world makes sense. There is nothing so bad about that. But perhaps there are ways of doing this that are not so black and white. Perhaps there is space and potential in all things to become other than what they appear to be.

Feeling Gratitude for People that Challenge Us

2009-11-19T18:46:00.001-08:00

I am struggling with what to call this post. I started out writing 'Feeling Gratitude for Difficult People'; but labeling someone as 'difficult' or 'bad' goes against much of what I strive to believe about human beings. This is a tough one for me. I have worked with survivors of violence for a number of years and given some of the stories I've been trusted with, it is very tempting to use these kinds of labels when referring to people that harm to others. And I can't say I'm exempt from thinking this way from time to time.

Yet I am also aware of the impact that conditioning, violence, abuse, neglect, trauma, and mental health and addictions issues have on how people behave. I believe people should be held completely responsible for their behaviour. But when considering how we will describe others, I believe we should separate their essential nature from their behaviour.

Bad, harmful or difficult behaviour? Yes.

Rotten to the core, bad person? I try not to let this concept exist in my universe.

Why? Because when we separate a person from their behaviour, we can achieve several things.

Firstly, we can create some objectivity that prevents us from personalizing how the person is behaving towards us. If we believe that all behaviour is purposeful, then we can see how a behaviour is an attempt to meet some kind of need. A difficult behaviour is perhaps a very unskillful attempt to meet a need, but we now understand that something is going on beyond the tip of the iceberg.

Secondly, we can create enough breathing space to reflect on what we might be learning from this person. This creates space for gratitude. It is often those that challenge us the most that give us the greatest gifts. When we are challenged, we find our voices, our strengths, our endurance, and our faith (in ourselves, in a Higher Power, in Life). I feel massive gratitude for those in my life that have challenged me. Without the friction they provided I would not be the person I am today.

So take a minute to reflect on the people that have challenged you in your life. What gifts, skills, or talents has their difficult behaviour called forth from you? Are you the person you are today by means of the challenges they presented? What are you learning from them?

And lastly,

Has your capacity for compassion grown by having them in your life? If so, you have much to be grateful for.

Appreciating Others: Gratitude for those that Light our Lives

2009-11-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

It is a simple pleasure I look forward to each morning. I rise early, go to the gym and am working that cardio machine like an 80's aerobics instructor by ten past six. Then at 6:15 he comes in. I'd imagine he's what the Buddha might have looked like: ever-smiling, old, slow but steady. I don't know his name, only our ritual. He smiles, looks in my eyes, enthusiastically says 'Good morning' and gives me the thumbs up for working out so hard. From the station of my treadmill, I watch this 85 year old man lift weights and do sit-ups, then sit quietly in meditation for one minute before he strolls back out of the gym, waving goodbye to me.

The warm presence of this stranger brightens my life so much, it made me think this morning about consciously appreciating those around us that brighten our lives. Sometimes these people are obvious to us: our friends, families, lovers, partners, pets, mentors, teachers and other supports. Sometimes it takes some reflection and awareness to identify others who add goodness to our lives.

In the Buddhist practice of Metta, or Loving Kindness, one is encouraged to energetically send well wishing to a succession of people: ourselves, a benefactor (someone who has helped us in some way), a neutral person, and a difficult person (this may be someone from your past, or someone you sleep next to each night!).

Part of the reason why I do Metta practice is because it helps me identify people to be grateful for. For example, I initially identified my 85 year old gym buddy as a neutral person (someone I know and have a subtle relationship with). When I began reflecting on our exchange, he began to feel more like a benefactor and I experienced a feeling of appreciation for him being in my life in some small way.

So think about it. Who are the people in your life that you appreciate? They may be obvious to you (benefactors) or could be neutral people that add some light to life along the way (your secretary? the person who sells you coffee in the morning? the bus or taxi driver that got you where you needed to go? your post person?). If you are feeling brave, in the next post we'll explore doing metta/gratitude practice for a difficult person. In the meantime, I encourage you to notice who brightens your life and to tell them exactly why. It might just make their day...and yours.

Gratitude Part III: Appreciating the Past

2009-11-15T16:46:00.000-08:00

Working out at the gym yesterday I found myself keeping company with a bad B-grade movie from the early 90s. It featured a much younger Kurt Russell who, in typical B-grade movie style, was saving the world (again) from bad guys, who were (surprise) defeated in the end. Oh, and by the way, the boy gets the girl, stuff blows up, and a few uninteresting characters die.

I could have tuned out the whole ordeal with my ipod nano, but, like a car crash, couldn't turn away. The excessively dramatic nature of it all became amusing very quickly and got me thinking about B-grade movies as symbols for the dramas that play out in our lives.

Sometimes I encourage people to think of patterns they are repeating like a movie playing on a loop. We all have B-grade plots running from time to time. They usually involve heroes and villains; victories and losses; dramas and traumas; intense feelings, and predictable endings. The process of healing and growing involves noticing when these movies are on repeat and choosing to pick up the remote control and do something about it.

So let's notice the times in our lives when we have changed the channel on ourselves, and let's experience some gratitude for that.

Do you ever look back at the past from the safety and confidence of the present and want to laugh out loud? I know I do. Things that once seemed so serious, dramatic or painful look very different after the salve of time and experience has been applied. It's not that we want to dismiss the past, it's more like we want to put our B-grade movies in their rightful place: the half-off bin at the dollar store.

Be grateful for the fact that you don't have to stay trapped in front of the TV, watching Kurt Russell save the world. You can save yourself by making new choices. Noticing the changes we make is very important and well worth celebrating!

If you are doing a daily gratitude practice, try thinking a bit about the past and appreciating any new perspectives, behaviours and experiences that are part of your present. Today let's be grateful for our awareness of the remote control and the fact that we can tune into any channel we like :)

Gratitude Part II: Being Grateful when Life is Sh*t

2009-11-13T17:41:00.000-08:00

I will remember this moment all my life I'm sure. I'm certain he could spot my heartbreak a mile a way. The scene: a homeless man hanging off a street post in the Haight Ashbury district of San Francisco where my beloved and I were 'supposed to' be having the time of our lives. We had waited months to meet here; but instead of sharing in the beauty and excitement of the city together, I was wandering the streets alone, tired and desperately seeking a place where strangers wouldn't see me weep openly over our spontaneous decision to part ways.

Yes, I'm hooking you with a sob story, but this story is everyone's story. You get it, and I bet you've not escaped suffering either. In fact, I'd venture you're also familiar with those crap situations that compel you to load tortured folk artists onto your ipod and cry until your face is swollen. Okay. I'm being dramatic, but here's what happened next.

The homeless man meets my eyes and says "Girl, you've lost your smile." The fact that someone could see me so vulnerable made me burst into tears in the middle of the street. "Let me tell you some jokes." And he starts in. I don't even remember what he said, or how he got me laughing, but he added some brightness to a very difficult moment in my life.

How do we find this brightness when our world is veiled in the clouds of grief, pain, anxiety and depression? When life is sh*t, it can often take much energy to shift our attention away from our pain and towards goodness. This is not about being 'pollyanna', ignoring our pain, or forcing us to bury intense emotions before they are felt. It is about allowing pain to be present with goodness also. Things are seldom black and white in our world, and remembering goodness through the practice of gratitude can help challenging times appear as they are: temporary.

When the sh*t hits, we aren't as likely to engage ourselves in new behaviours as we are to fall back on old ones. This friends, is why practicing gratitude daily is so very important. It will be easier to find our way in the dark, if we have already walked the path in its luminosity. So continue to get familiar with the terrain of appreciation and gratitude. It will serve you in the times when you need it most.

Finding Brightness: Practicing Gratitude Daily

2009-11-10T19:51:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that practicing Gratitude daily has changed my life. I'm beginning a series of posts on this concept because there is now strong evidence in scientific studies that an attitude of gratitude is one of few factors that determine happiness. And who doesn't wish for more happiness in life?

After our basic human needs for shelter, security, and food are met, money appears to have no impact on how happy any given person might feel in their daily life. Gratitude does have an impact, along with the degree to which we are connected to good relationships.

So what exactly does an attitude of Gratitude look like? One way of understanding gratitude is as the practice of noticing and appreciating goodness. There are times when this comes more naturally to us: we receive a gift, a promotion, or a random act of kindness. In these circumstances we would naturally feel thankful, blessed or lucky.

But the kind of gratitude I will be exploring in the next series of posts is an intentional kind of gratitude. Instead of waiting for life to give us things to be happy about, we can purposefully look around us at the goodness that already exists. If you are reading this, then I'm assuming you are breathing, and you have access to an information superhighway that allows limitless opportunities to learn. These are two massive blessings that I, for one, take for granted on a daily basis.

I often catch myself expecting Life to be like Santa Claus, giving me everything I desire without noticing how much goodness I already have. It's not that wanting things is bad. To the contrary, I believe our hearts' desires are sacred: but when we don't appreciate what we already have, we set ourselves up for great disappointment when we finally do achieve what we want. We don't know how to value and appreciate it and eventually turn to wanting something else. If we can't appreciate the goodness having $100.00, how can we possibly enjoy and appreciate the goodness of having one million dollars?

Appreciation is a muscle that must be worked in order to serve us well. Gratitude can be practiced, and with practice, becomes a more organic part of the way we live our lives. So here's some homework. Take out a piece of paper. List all the things you can think of to be grateful for. List the obvious, but also practice fishing for the subtle. What processes, people and circumstances support you living your life in an easeful way? What works well, without you doing anything at all? What makes your life easy?

I challenge you to write a gratitude list every day. Write 5 things down per day, and just watch how your life will change. Don't take my word for it, go out and practice.

Developing Endurance: Part IV: Finding the Celebrational

2009-11-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the last post on endurance. If you've been following Feed the Lion! over the last month or so, you've been invited to choose a change that you wish to make in your life and begin cultivating the courage and endurance to see it through. If you've been taking action, I'm confident you will be seeing change, whether it is subtle, small, or quiet...loud, large or pervasive.

What matters when you have an intention to change is that you notice and celebrate your successes along the way. Any competitive athlete knows that the true finish line is not at the end of the race, it is in training, at the beginning, middle AND end. So at this point in our journey, let us notice with compassion and gratitude what is celebrational in our lives today.

In North America, we have a culture that is challenged on this front. We work 40 (plus!) hours a week, constantly chase 'more' (more $, status, things) and often feel isolated from the healing energy of intimacy, whether that be with our lovers, partners, families or communities. Given this environment it can be hard to find time, energy and people to celebrate.

Yet without taking time to celebrate our lives can feel like they lack purpose and energy. What are we living for, if not to experience the goodness of ourselves and each other? Taking time to celebrate gives us motivation to keep moving forward because it renews us with energy and makes the future look bright.

Another question to ask ourselves when it comes to endurance, or staying on track, is "What do I have to look forward to in my life? in my day? in this moment?"

Looking for goodness, for brightness in life is energizing and allows us to endure great trials and unpleasantness. Another way to name this energy is Gratitude. Which, surprise, surprise, will be the theme of the next series of posts.

I want to thank all my readers for your feedback of late and for enduring with the growth of this blog, a project that requires courage and endurance of me. Feed the Lion! is a labour of love and now almost 6 months old. It's growth is truly a cause for celebration in my life. Thanks for being a part of it!

Brightly,

Catherine

Developing Endurance: Part III: Finding Support

2009-11-05T07:37:00.000-08:00

In the last series of posts we've been talking about endurance or how to keep moving forward when we set goals for ourselves. For the most part we've been working on an individual level, addressing our fear-based patterns and finding ways to stay motivated to make changes that will better the quality of our lives. But in this beautiful and benevolent universe, we do not have to do scary things alone.

Yes, ultimately any action we take must be of our own will and responsibility, but we don't have to face our struggles alone.

In my work as a therapist I have found that two of the most prevalent negative beliefs are:

1. There is something really wrong with me.

2. There is something really wrong with me and I don't want everyone else to know because everyone else is doing fine.

When people reach out for help and realize they are not the only one struggling with a problem, the most beautiful expressions of relief cross their faces. We are not so bad, so crazy or so alone. We are human beings, and part of being human is being vulnerable and revealing our truest selves. This creates intimacy, which transforms, heals and motivates.

When thinking about endurance, or sticking with our goals and intentions, think about how you can receive support from others. Who loves you and supports you in achieving your goals? Is there a group you could join that would cheerlead your accomplishments? Do you need to seek out a mentor, friend, teacher or healer for support? Online communities, such as Feed the Lion! are another medium for finding support in continuing to live the life you desire.

So let's reflect on support today. This is the good stuff folks! so go out there and take it as good as you can give it.

Developing Endurance: Part II: Motivation

2009-11-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

Talk to anyone who has written a thesis, committed to a long term project or said 'I do' in front of a sea of friends and family and you will learn a thing or two about endurance. When you make a new commitment, it is helpful to think in advance about your strategy for seeing it through. Humour me as I draw in an example from running.

Training for a marathon (assuming you are in good physical shape) takes about 4 months or longer. You run 4 to 6 times a week, sometimes for 3 hours at a time. One should expect the intermittent Saturday morning where you'd rather sleep until 10, then roll out of bed and head to Tim Hortons for a Boston Cream donut (a personal weakness!).

The Boston Cream factor or it's equivalent will arise my friends! And so having an advance plan for how you will stick with your intention will be very important. This is the key to motivation - knowing yourself, knowing what your Boston Cream factor is, and attaching, as Anthony Robbins says, 'massive pleasure' to sticking it out. In other words, really learning to associate goodness with completing your goal or staying with your commitment.

Some suggestions for working with motivation:

1. Find a way to infuse excitement into your commitment. If it's exercise you're committing to, bring your favourite music or friends along. A new way of eating? Find food that is healthy AND actually tastes good to you. A relationship you are challenged by? Reflect on what you LOVE about that person.

2. Make it easy for you - Do not commit to working out at 5:30 in the morning if you seldom get out of bed before noon. Make sure your commitment is actually manageable. Find ways to feel lighter about the goals and commitments you have chosen.

3. Remember it is a choice - Take responsibility for the choices you make on a daily basis and your life will change forever. If your motivation to follow through is flailing, evoke the power to choose to continue or not. If you have a Boston Cream moment that's okay too. Just take responsibility for what you have chosen and keep moving forward.

Because that's what really matters when it comes to endurance: that you keep moving. Sometimes you move slower, sometimes faster, sometimes you even trip. But you don't just lie there on the pavement. You look up, you get up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. So keep moving forward....more on endurance soon!

Developing Endurance: Part I: Consistency

2009-10-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

When we talk about endurance, we are talking about the quality of perseverance, or the ability to sustain effort over time. If you've ever attempted to learn a new skill, stick with an exercise program or develop new eating habits, you would know that endurance is essential in making your efforts pay off.

Another way of thinking about endurance is being consistent. It is when we repeat behaviours that they have a true impact on our lives. I like to think of it like building muscle. For example, there was a time in my life when I knew I needed to change my exercise habits. I needed to make exercise a priority, but was sporadic in scheduling it into my day. I saw limited improvements in my health because my effort was not being applied consistently.

When I decided to set aside a specific time each day to exercise and make it like brushing my teeth, I saw rapid results and reaped many of the benefits of having regular daily activity. It was painful at times to wake at 5:30 am to get to the gym, but like learning to lift weights, the burden became lighter once I had developed my 'get out of bed and get to the gym muscle.'

Repetition, or reinforcement of a behaviour makes it easier to do over time. The trick is to get past the painful initial stages of starting anything new. It might be helpful to go back and review the previous posts about developing courage, which can aid us in getting past this stage. It is also helpful to engage tools which bolster motivation, which I will discuss in the next post. If you have been following along and trying out some of these ideas, I'd love to hear how it is going for you, so feel free to post a comment!

Invitation for Blog Post Suggestions

2009-10-27T18:56:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone! I have completed a series of posts of developing courage, which came about from a request to write on this subject. I will be posting a series on developing endurance, also by request and want to ask for more input about other topics related to self-care, spirituality and personal development that you would like to see covered through Feed the Lion!

Please use the comments box below to make requests or suggestions. Or you can give me feedback about what topics you'd like to see covered by voting in the poll on the sidebar to the right. Looking forward to your feedback!

Developing Courage: Part IV: Perfect Imperfection

2009-10-25T16:34:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the last in a series of posts about developing courage. In the last post I wrote about learning to take our leaps, to take a first step towards our goals with a sense of heartfullness. Now that we've leaped and landed into unknown territory, what's next?

Looking around in the land of the unknown can be humbling. We might feel awkward, disoriented or downright incompetent when we are doing or experiencing something for the first time. I have found it helpful to accept and expect imperfection whenever I'm doing something new.

In fact, imperfection is perfect. Why?

because it allows us to cultivate humility

because it lets us grow at a pace that is natural (the acorn doesn't grow into the oak overnight)

because it reminds us we are human, and part of being human is making mistakes and learning from experiences

Often our fears stem from our projections about what will happen in the land of the unknown. We fear it will be worse off here than the land of the comfortable, the safe, and well, the familiar. We also fear that our imperfect entry into the land of the unknown means something about us as a person. Our awkwardness at doing new things means only this: you are human, and you are exactly where you should be in the natural process of doing something new. You would not expect a child to walk before it has learned to crawl, nor should you place unreasonable expectations upon yourself while you are learning.

So be gentle as you try out new behaviours and ways of being. Expect some time to adjust and remind yourself that the unfamiliar soon becomes the familiar. It takes time, patience and practice. In other words, it takes endurance, which is the theme of the next series of posts!

Developing Courage: Part III: Just do it

2009-10-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

In the last few posts, we've been looking at developing courage, learning to identify our big whys (our intentions for doing something differently), and talking to ourselves in a manner that supports taking a leap of faith. Now we've arrived at the edge of the cliff and we're staring down at what seems like a large psychological void: the unknown.

How do we willingly step into new territory, without assurance of any comfort, familiarity or success? This is where courage is critical, and where I would argue, the logical, thinking mind cannot help us. When you are standing on the edge of the unknown, it is the heart and the body which will move you forward. When we are afraid the nervous system becomes activated in a way that can be paralyzing (think fight, flight or the 'deer in headlights' response). It is critical when taking a leap of faith, to soothe oneself as a way of bypassing negative thinking (see Self Pepping - last post) and connect directly with the heart: for it is in the heart that we find the strength to trust life and ourselves. In other words, we may feel fear, but in the words of Nike, we just do it.

Now how does this apply in the moments of daily life when we are scared but there is some action we know we must take? We stop and take a breath. If we are afforded a minute to ourselves before we need to react to a situation, we remind ourselves our big whys and we might repeat a part of our self-pep talk to ourselves. And then, we shut off the thoughts and just do it.

Developing Courage: Part II: Self-Pep Talking

2009-10-20T19:13:00.001-07:00

In reflecting on courage for this series of posts, I've been thinking about times in my life when I've been called upon to get brave. I get flashes of difficult conversations, walking into rooms full of people I don't know, or standing at the front of those rooms staring out at roves of people waiting for my mouth to open.

One of the tools that helps me muster courage is what I call the Self-Pep talk. A pep-talk (or motivational speech) is often given by a coach or mentor to arouse confidence, enthusiasm and energy. One of the keys to developing courage is to monitor your inner dialogue, or your thoughts, so that they have the effect of raising confidence, enthusiasm and energy. When we are afraid, we using have another kind of dialogue running, the Self-Pain talk. Here are some examples:

Self-Pain Talk: I can't, I won't, This will never work, It doesn't matter, I don't matter, It will take too much energy, I can't handle it, Something bad will happen, Something will go wrong and everyone will see

Self-Pep Talk: I can do this, I will do this, I am doing this because (insert your BIG WHY here - if you don't know what this is, read the previous post), I love myself therefore I will take action on this, I can handle whatever comes my way, In the grand scheme of things this isn't so serious

You get the idea. Read over these statements again and notice the feelings you associate with each. I bet Self-Pepping feels a lot better than Self-Paining! Now take the situation/behaviour you are working on and write your own Self-Pep talk.

Here are some guidelines:

1. Use energizing language (yes words, words that evoke confidence, positivity and self-care)

2. Use words that reflect your confidence and capability to deal with challenges (maybe something will go wrong, but you can find the resources to deal with the curve balls life throws you).

3. Develop a sense of perspective (Fear evokes a survival response in our nervous system. Reminding ourselves that our very survival is not at stake can be helpful in facing difficult situations (unless it actually is, in which case, fear is a great friend which is sending us an important message about our safety).

4. Relax. There are few things we can't do better if we are relaxed. Bring a relaxed style to the way you communicate with yourself.

It is helpful to place your Self-Pep talk where you will see it (throughout your home, on your fridge, etc) so you will be reminded to read it. Read it many, many times a day to raise your energy and help orient your mind to courageous intention and action.

Developing Courage: Part I: Choosing Love over Fear

2009-10-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

Over the next couple of weeks I will be posting about the theme of courage. How do we bring this quality into our daily lives, especially when are trying to bring about change? Perhaps you are trying to change the way you eat, love, or exercise. Perhaps you would like to face conflict more openly and directly. Whatever you would like to see more of in your life, you can bet that developing the quality of courage will benefit you.

How? By helping you learn how to take appropriate risks and face fears. Many great spiritual teachers distill all choices down to the choice between love and fear. Fear stops us from moving forward, causes us to live in either the past or the future, and steals our aliveness. When we project the past onto the future repeatedly, we can become paralyzed and change seems impossible.

On the other hand, choosing love opens us to courage. In fact the word courage finds its roots in the word coeur, or heart. What does it mean to choose love when we are scared or apathetic, or ready to resign ourselves to the status quo of our lives? Making choices out of love means taking a moment to understand your intention behind a choice, or in other words, the BIG WHY.

For example, say you are trying to meet new people, but are afraid of rejection. A loving choice would involve taking a minute to consider how taking some small risk would bring more love into your life. Explore why would you risk putting yourself out there. Because you deserve to have fabulous people in your life? Because connection and intimacy make you feel healthy? Because it would bring more fun into your life? Because you deserve to be known?

You tell me. What is your BIG WHY? Think about a change you are trying to make. Connect with your heart and ask yourself what your intention is in wanting things to be different. I bet most of our BIG WHYs boil down to this: we want to feel better. We want to feel good, happy and safe. In essence, we want to feel some form of love, for ourselves and/or others. Connecting with this love is the first step in developing courage.

Insight, Courage and Endurance: Tools for Moving Forward

2009-10-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended an inspiring lecture by Dr. James Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst visiting from Texas. Dr. Hollis spoke about themes from his new book What Matters Most, and I wanted to share mattered most to me about his talk last night...

which was his reflections on the three qualities listed above: insight, courage and endurance. I was very struck by Dr. Hollis' acknowledgement that insight, or self-awareness can only take us so far in living the dream of our life. We may be very aware of what needs to change in our lives, but if we lack courage or endurance, we will repeatedly fail to engage in new behaviours in a consistent and meaningful way.

So how do we develop courage and endurance, the two qualities that allow us to actualize our potential and take the risks that make us feel alive and well? Being a lionhearted marathon runner, I couldn't think of two topics that I feel more passionate about than courage or endurance. Alas, I have decided to write a series on developing each of these qualities, beginning with courage. Stay tuned for a series of 4 posts on how to bring more courage into your life.

But before we begin, let's go back to insight. I would like you to identify a change you would like to make in your life: ie: be more assertive, exercise regularly, feel less anxious, etc... (if you are having difficulty identifying a goal - perhaps you may need to spend more time in the insight stage - this can be done with the help of a good friend, your counsellor/therapist/spiritual mentor, or spending time in reflection with a journal). Or it could be that there is nothing you wish to actively work on at the moment and that's OK too.

We are human beings, not human doings! and if we choose to make some changes to the way we are living our lives, let us do so lightheartedly and not with a sense that we are flawed beings that need constant improvement. I believe that we are all 'okay' no matter what and any new experiences we wish to have in our lives are just that: experiences. Growing and changing can be fun, gentle and process, not product, oriented.

So with that lightness, let's prepare to get courageous!

Lessons from the Pavement: What I learn about Life from running Marathons

2009-10-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

I believe there is nothing that we can't learn something from, and for me, running marathons has been a great teacher. To date, I have completed two full marathons, the most recent one on Sunday. The longer I run, the more I see marathoning as a symbol for particular lessons I am learning in my life. I wanted to share five of these learnings with you.

1. You can do anything.

When I decided to be a runner I showed up to my first training clinic out of shape, in worn out running shoes, and very scared. I finished consistently last for many months. Then I got better, and better, and better. The point is I took the first step and showed up, never dreaming I would run a marathon 2 years later. If we are willing to invest the effort, we can achieve magnificent things.

2. Do your best. Your best changes.

We are magnificent beings and part of being magnificent in my mind is doing my best. When I give 100% to running, to life, to my relationships, or to my work, I feel satisfied and proud of myself. Running has also taught me the very important second part of this lesson. That our best changes. It is painful to be so attached to results that we lose a sense of kindness to ourselves or others. Conditions change, life throws us a curve ball. We have a bad run or a bad day. We can offer our best to life given the circumstance and still be satisfied knowing we gave 100%.

3. Drop the 200 pounds of bad attitude, and you will tread lightly.

Sometimes our attitudes in life just stink. I don't know a single human being who doesn't need to get their mind right every now and again. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just part of being human. Our minds think, and sometimes, our minds stink. If you want an experience of seeing how your mind stinks, run a marathon. All kinds of trash gets stirred up: "You can't do this" "You look ridiculous" "This race sucks" "There are too many hills" "I could just give up right now and it wouldn't be that big a deal" "This is too hard for you". Much of the energy I use in a marathon is managing my mind, and I find it is the same in life. When I've got my mind right, the journey becomes easier, not so serious, and even fun.

4. Pain is temporary.

Running marathons can be both mentally and physically painful. During my race on Sunday, I was struggling with some physical discomfort about 3/4 of the way through the race. I have learned to identify "Stop right now" pain from "This is temporary" pain and knew I was dealing with the latter. Reminding myself that discomfort does not last always pulls me through challenging situations. Whenever I 'hit the wall' in a marathon, I remind myself that there is an end to the race. There is a finish line to all things in life and before we know it, we are crossing it. If we are not present to life, it comes too fast and we miss the whole journey. Knowing there is a finish brings comfort, but also an appreciation for the preciousness of the moment, which brings me to my last point...

5. Think journey, not destination.

Months of training go into preparing for a marathon. One must take many, many steps along the way. I kept thinking on Sunday, "If I only think about my finish, I will miss everything." I would have missed all the cheerleaders who made a point of showing up to encourage us. I would have missed the gratitude I felt for my training partner who ran beside me for half of the race. I would have missed all the signs people made for their beloveds who were running. I would have missed all the large and small things that contribute to my love of running. Life is not just about achieving our goals, but noticing and experiencing all the goodness along the way.

And there is much goodness around.

42 Gratitudes: A Marathon Thanksgiving (Part II)

2009-10-08T16:40:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness for gratitude! Life threw me some curve balls after the last post and I could only laugh at the divine comedy of it all - that I was writing about gratitude this week and it was the very energy I needed to channel bigtime over the last few days.

So here is the continuation of my gratitude list: the remaining 21 thankfulness-es that will be in my heart on Sunday (for the first 21 - scroll on down to the previous post):

22. For gratitude practice - man! nothing helps you get your mind right like gratitude. I'm so grateful that I have first hand experience of how this can turn around a whole day, week or life!

23. For open-heartedness - man! I love it when people share what's in their hearts. It is such a gift to communicate openly, honestly and heartfully.

24. For beauty - man! There is so much beauty in the world. Have you noticed? Have you looked at the toes of newborn children? Have you peered into the hearts of budding flowers in spring? Have you ever watched a napping cat? Damn, the world is so goooood looking.

25. For the fact that things work (most of the time) - I've had some technological challenges of late and man! it makes you appreciate that most of the time my cell phone works, my computer turns on, the bus shows up on time (except! on Main Street).

26. For the fact that things are available - If I need to buy something, I can usually have it in my hands in our culture within 1 hour.

27. For muffins - I really love muffins, and I don't know why, other than they taste great, they're warm and when they come out of the oven, they smell delicious. Sensory bliss.

28. For sensory bliss - I can see, touch, taste, hear, smell and intuit the goodness of the world. I have all 6 doors of sense perception open and functioning, helping me perceive the wonder around me.

29. For the fact that we don't have to do scary things alone - In our culture, if we need help with something, there are many, many resources available. There are many teachers, healers, groups, educational classes, courses, friends, mentors and professionals who can help us problem solve. We are never alone.

30. For the fact that I'm not perfect - There was a time in my life when I strongly felt the need to be so. I'm so grateful I've given up this cause of suffering in my life. I mess up. I make mistakes too. And now I'm allowed to. Phew.

31. For new experiences - I'm so grateful that I'm open to trying new things, meeting new people and learning new skills. This keeps life fresh and mysterious.

32. For traditions - I have the good fortune of coming from a family where this is important. I cherish my mother and grandmothers' recipes, our holiday celebrations, and all our traditions. I have also created traditions with my friends and beloveds which ground me and give me a sense of belonging.

33. For the Church of Brunch - One of my favorite traditions. Myself and 4 friends (and now one baby!) meet weekly to brunch together in Vancouver. Watch for our soon to be created blog - with food reviews of the best brunching in the City!

34. For courage - I love the name of that old self-help classic: 'Feel the fear and do it anyway.' I am grateful for the ability to muster courage when it is needed most.

35. For random acts of kindness - Nothing lights up my heart like witnessing or participating in small acts of kindness that cannot be repaid. Which leads me to number 36.....

36. For the goodness in the world - The world is truly a good place. I see goodness everywhere and in everyone. Holding these beliefs enriches my life in countless ways.

37. For consciousness - For the fact that I can wake up from the trances I live in. I can wake up to the goodness of the world.

38. For Leaders - For all those who have awoken, and live their lives as examples so that others may do the same.

39. For those that Serve - I feel gratitude for all those who contribute value to the world.

40. For dreams - I am grateful for the fact that I can dream. I have personal and collective visions that inspire me to improve my world and the world around me.

41. For me - I'm grateful to be alive at this time in history. My life is precious and I have so much to contribute to the world. I'm grateful for each day I am present on the planet.

42. For you - I'm so glad you are alive at this time in history. Your life is precious and you have so much to contribute to the world. I am grateful for each day you are present on the planet. May our presences bless and prosper one another.

And may we be grateful for all we have been given. This is a bright and beautiful world that is begging for us to notice its beauty. Gratitude is the attitude of noticing abundance. This thanksgiving, let's notice how wealthy we already are. Let's notice what is really important. And let's share what we notice with each other, so we can all be reminded that prosperity is truly an inner state of being.

Happy Thanksgiving!

42 Gratitudes: A Marathon Thanksgiving (Part I)

2009-10-07T06:42:00.001-07:00

On Sunday, October 11th I will run 42.2 km in gratitude. This will be my second marathon experience, which means I have a better idea of what to expect, and what I need to do to finish with a smile on my face. I found it extremely helpful in my first marathon to dedicate the race to something meaningful: 42 people who have touched my life. Dedicating a marathon is a powerful source of inspiration when one's body and mind is fatigued from hours of pavement pounding. I will be reflecting on this list on Sunday, which so delightfully happens to be Thanksgiving. Expressing gratitude is one of the finest mental, spiritual and emotional health techniques we can practice. Not only do we notice and appreciate what goodness already exists in our lives, we magnetize more goodness to us by changing our point of focus to prosperity.

I hope this list will encourage you to make one of your own this Thanksgiving (regardless of whether or not you add the 42 km part....I'm hearing a bunch of 'No Ways!' ha ha). I am posting the first part of the list today and the last part on Friday. Here are 21 things I am grateful for right now:

The Dedications

In this good, beautiful, and abundant universe, there is much to express deep appreciation, thanks and gratitude for. With great feeling and thanksgiving I acknowledge the following sources of precious blessing in my life:

1. My relationship with Spirit, which is a constant source of comfort, sustenance, inspiration and growth.

2. My Tribe - all my family, friends, and beloveds who bless me with their love, support and companionship on the journey. My relationships are the greatest wealth in my life and I am a rich woman indeed!

3. My body - which breathes for me, pumps my blood around and moves me through the world. My body coordinates millions of functions on a daily basis that I forget about consciously. I give thanks for my health, which is also a source of my greatest wealth.

4. For good food - which I have access to on a daily basis. I am so lucky to be able to eat without worrying about survival needs. I can afford beautiful, healthy food that nourishes me and gives me energy to live my life. This is a massive blessing.

5. For my home - my comforting, warm, beautiful home. I live in a safe and friendly neighbourhood, in a space that I have decorated in a way that inspires me. When I step through the door of my home I feel so grateful to be entering a sacred, quiet and safe sanctuary.

6. For my education - I have had the good fortune of cultivating my mind through formal and informal means. I am grateful for the educational opportunities I have had, which have changed the way I see the world.

7. For my travel experiences - Being exposed to different cultures has opened new worlds and encouraged my growth. What a privilege to be surrounded by beauty in many forms.

8. For my cats - Who teach me about love, napping, patience and care. For keeping the bed warm.

9. For literacy - I have read hundreds upon hundreds of books, and without the gift of literacy, my life and mind would face very limited possibilities. I am so grateful for the fact that I can read and have access to public libraries.

10. For green spaces - I derive much of my inspiration from time in nature and am so grateful that we have places in Vancouver that I can go to reconnect. The earth needs our care and attention, and I am grateful for all the care she gives back to us in her beauty.

11. For freedom - We are so fortunate to live in a society where we can speak our minds and have access to many, many opportunities. This is not the case for many of the world's population. I consider this a great blessing.

12. For change - All things are impermanent, and although I once regarded this natural law as a curse, I now regard it as a great blessing. All things change and renew themselves, providing for growth, variety and beauty.

13. For artists - I regard artists, writers, and creators of all kinds as the healers of our collective culture. They inspire, entertain, and keep the soul of a culture alive. I deeply respect our identities as artists, and appreciate our ability to contribute nourishment to others through our art forms.

14. For my challenges - The worst days of my life have often been the best days of my life. When I have risen to meet my challenges, I have been blessed beyond belief. What has challenged me has also helped me heal, grow and inspire others.

15. For laughter - Fun is often foolish and so is life. We live in a wonderful universe that is often hilarious if we can see the lightness in things. Some of my fondest memories involve laughing until the tears were streaming down my face.

16. For the ocean - The ocean is where I go to feel wild, alive, child-like and at peace. She receives us all in her wide embrace. I am grateful to live near the water.

17. For the sun - When the sun shines I feel energized, radiant and well. The sun is the life-giving force of our solar system, and I am always grateful for it's appearance in Vancouver.

18. For the rain - The rain nourishes our earth and provides lots of opportunities in Vancouver to snuggle up at home or drink too much coffee in one of the city's fine establishments.

19. For simplicity - I'm so grateful that it doesn't take much to make me happy in life. A walk outside. A cup of tea. A conversation with a friend. A hug. Goodness is everywhere and I'm grateful to have been given the ability to perceive this.

20. For music - 'Thank you for the music, the song I'm singing, Thanks for all the joy it's bringing, who could live without it, tell me what would life be, without a song or a dance what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me' - ABBA badly misquoted

21. For technology - I'm grateful for the internet, which provides us with limitless opportunity, incredible access to information and the ability to connect and communicate with billions of people. Without it, I couldn't share this list with you!

Stay tuned for the rest of the list on Friday! I'd love to hear some of the things you're grateful for, so if it inspires you, please use the comments box to share!

NO is a Love Word: The Two Faces of Compassion

2009-10-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

When I think of the word compassion, I automatically envision a large, open-armed Mother soothing, comforting, and loving her children into wholeness. I think of concepts like Loving Kindness, loving your neighbour as yourself, and massive forgiveness. Sometimes we receive compassion in these forms, and sometimes it shows up as a swift (but nonetheless loving) kick to the seat of our pants.

I'm talking about the NO of love. Love really has two faces. A yes face and a no face. The yes face is the face of nurture; the no face, the one of structure. Life calls on us to assume both of these expressions of compassion.

I think of times in my life when people have given me feedback that was difficult to digest, but honest. I also think of times when someone set limits with me that were difficult to accept (anyone getting a flashback to their teenage years?).

Although it may have been hard to look into the face of Love at the time, in reflection, true Love was there. True compassion was present also. By hearing the No of Love, I was forced to take responsibility for myself and grow in ways I could not have imagined.

To be truly loving to ourselves and others, we need to fearlessly embrace the yes and no of love. When we are engaging in behaviours that harm us, we need to set limits with ourselves from a place of love. When we are disrespected by others, it is loving to set limits and boundaries and let others understand the true impact of their behaviours (think Gandhi and Martin Luther King on this one - they both found a way to lovingly refuse to be treated with disrespect and as such, changed the course of history!) .

There is nothing compassionate about protecting ourselves or others from natural consequences and calling it love. True love calls us to be authentic: which means to be comfortable with arms wide open or arms wide shut. Both faces can reflect the Goodness that is Love.

Smiling as Spiritual Practice

2009-10-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the day I decided the world was safe enough to smile at people I didn't know. Living in a large urban centre, it is easy to go through life with your head down and your eyes averted. 'Do not make eye contact', was my motto for many years, thinking it was easier, safer and unnecessary to greet complete strangers in a city sometimes known for its unfriendliness. All of this changed for me some years ago when I encountered writings on the concept of karma, or essentially, the idea that what we do, matters.

It matters not only to ourselves, but to others also. All of our behaviours, actions, thoughts and feelings impact us AND every other being we come into contact with. This suddenly became very clear to me one day when I decided to conduct an experiment. I was walking along the Seawall in Vancouver and decided to notice what it felt like to greet every person I walked past with eye contact and a smile. I was amazed how high I got myself in a matter of five minutes. Some people did not look at me, some looked confused and others looked right back at me, smiled and said hello (mostly the latter).

I felt like I had stumbled upon a whole new spiritual practice: the practice of affirming to others that the world is a good and safe place. What a gift to give ourselves and others, to actively participate in creating a warm, friendly environment. As I was consciously doing my smiling practice for the first time, I realized what a huge impact this simple act could have on the lives of the people I was smiling at. Maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe my smile helped to make the world seem less lonely. Maybe the children I was smiling at would see my greeting as a sign that the world is a welcoming and warm place to live. The fact is, what we do, matters, and we never know what positive impact our simple actions might have on the lives of others.

In Shambala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, Tibetan meditation master Chogyam Trungpa says:

"As human beings, we have a working basis to uplift our state of existence and cheer up fully. That working basis is always available to us. We have a mind and body, which are very precious to us. Because we have a mind and body, we can comprehend this world. Existence is wonderful and precious. We don't know how long we will live, so while we have our life, why not make use of it?"

Go out, shine and make use of your light. You may cheer yourself and others up fully.

Working Together: The Power of a Group

2009-09-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

Me and you have been part of many groups in my our lifetimes, and we will be part of many more: family groups, work groups, groups of friends, groups that gather out of common interest to meet a shared goal.

I have been part of fabulous group recently. Four of us meet once a week to support one another in manifesting our best lives. We share our goals, offer feedback, and spend time visualizing each person fully living her potential. The kinds of things that are being created from this group are truly incredible and it makes me aware of the power that is accessible to us when we team up with others.

Yesterday I had the good privilege of babysitting my one and half year old niece, which involves all kinds of fun toddler shennanigans, sometimes even cartoons. Yesterday we watched a show called Wonder Pets which is about a tiny guinea pig, turtle and baby chick who team up to save animals in distress. The whole premise of the show is that the tiny guinea pig, turtle and baby chick are, as individuals, tiny and unable to accomplish very much alone. But when they work together, they can save baby cows who are trapped in trees and rescue skunks from thorny rose bushes (I think I loved the show more than my niece - but come on you guys! a baby chick saving a baby skunk from a rose bush - too cute).

The whole point being, we can do tremendous things when we work with others. We also get the benefit of support, encouragement, and the feeling like we are not alone in our struggles or our greatness. Working together with a group also exposes us to different opinions, perspectives, and approaches, which can help us grow in countless ways. If you are trying to accomplish something, consider finding others to do it with. You may benefit and prosper one another in ways you did not expect. You may prosper others too (think baby skunk).

If you are thinking about joining or creating a group you may wish to consider some of the following questions:

What is the purpose of this group?

What can I contribute?

How can others support me?

What guidelines do we need to put in place to help this group work well together?

What makes me feel safe in groups?

How will we deal with conflict in this group?

How will we celebrate what we accomplish together?

Enjoy the power of teamwork. I would love to hear your stories about what you've accomplished working with others. If you have an experience to share, please post a comment! We all have so much to learn from one another.

You are Good. Real Good.

2009-09-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

One of the most profound writings on goodness I've ever encountered is by author and teacher Marianne Williamson. This quote is often mistakenly attributed to Nelson Mandela, but is actually from Marianne's book, A Return to Love. I hope you've already encountered it, but if not, please read it again and again. If the word God doesn't fit for you, please substitute a word that makes sense: Love, Light, Goodness, Creator, Goddess, Higher Power, Higher Mind, the Universe, etc....

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

In my mind, Marianne is speaking about our remembering who we really are. We are not bad and inadequate, but rather, forgetful of our goodness. I love her allusion to children. My one and a half year old niece claps her hands joyously when she remembers where her toes are. She loves to shine and celebrate herself and it should be so. Why does it become different for us as adults? We become conditioned to believe it is selfish to take pride in ourselves. Showing the goodness we are capable of becomes 'showing off' and we interpret the natural stumblings of growing as evidence we are bad, not good enough, failures, fill in the blank __________.

I give thanks that my niece is growing up in an environment surrounded by cheerleaders, which allows her to develop her inner cheerleader from a young age. It is never too late to reconnect with this part of yourself. In fact, I suggest you go and find him or her right now. It is the voice that whispers things like, "I'm okay, no matter what happens." "I'm proud of how far I've come" "Well done!" "Good job!" "So what I made a mistake, I'll learn from this." As many of you know I love Richard Simmons, so my inner cheerleader sounds a bit like an '80s aerobics instructor. You'll find your own voice. Maybe it's that of an old wise woman, or the voice of someone who has loved and supported you in past.

Oh, and please cheerlead for others. Sometimes the way that we develop this voice is by hearing it first from an external source, which strengthens the volume of the voice within us. As Marianne says, "We are all meant to shine" and allowing ourselves our brilliance also gives permission for others to do the same. May we all be luminous.

Gifts from the Flu (not the Swine variety)

2009-09-25T11:18:00.001-07:00

The great turning of the wheel at Fall Equinox brought me an unexpected gift: the flu. Admittedly, I am an eternal optimist, which means I try to seek the gifts in all my experiences, including those that have a high potential to be unpleasurable. So here I am with two boxes of Scotties, 4 L of Happy Planet Organic Orange Juice, and a box of green tea, and here is what is great about having the flu right now:

1. No guilt purchases of the $6.00 organic orange juice and the $8.00 gelato because hey man, I'm sick.

2. No guilt consumption of the $6.00 orange juice and $8.00 gelato in its entirity within one hour of purchasing because hey man, I'm sick.

3. Massive opportunities to practice mindfulness to aversive experiences (my meditation teachers would be so proud of me).

4. Wearing pyjamas all day and watching Youtube videos of Jem and the Holograms (she is TRULY outrageous and it's great to be reminded of this).

5. Love bombing from beloveds, family and friends who care for me and want to see me receive.

6. Skipping spell check on my blog posts because hey man, I'm sick, and I'm sure you'll understand.

7. Reading in bed when not watching Jem and the Holograms.

8. A deep deep appreciation for being healthy, vital and having tremendous energy 99% of the time. Blessed be.

9. Taking a 'time out from the world' (in psychology, we would probably call this one a 'secondary gain', usually unconscious or preconscious payoffs for our behaviour. As a 'doer', I can see that being sick gives me 'permission' to relax - thanks body for letting me know it's time).

I hope that both you and I can enjoy all of the above without having to go through the flu, but if not, let's make the best of it! And now, back to Jem.

Fall Equinox

2009-09-22T09:47:00.001-07:00

When I was little I was so excited about returning to school that I would have my book bag all packed up and ready to go in mid-August. I loved school supplies so much, I would unpack my bag again and again, just to look at all the fresh new notebooks and pencils. Yes, I AM a nerd and I am proud of it.

Autumn-time always reminds me of my love and commitment to learning, growing and changing. Nature is such an intelligent and timeless teacher. All around us we see signs of transition: falling leaves, cooler temperatures, shorter days and longer evenings. We also enter the cycle of maturation, of reaping our harvest, whether that be in our gardens, our relationships or our careers. Equinox in many earth-based spiritualities is the time when we reap what we have sown over the past year. If we invested time, energy, life force into achieving our goals, we will enjoy the fruit of our labours. It is the time to notice and appreciate what has changed, ripened, or peaked in our lives so that we may integrate this wisdom over the course of the coming fall months.

As we approach the coming season, I want to leave you with some questions for reflection:

What have I invested in the last year?

What are the returns on my investments (be they emotional, financial or energetic investments)?

What is ripening in my life?

What will I fully celebrate right now, knowing I have worked hard for it?

In what areas of my life do I feel abundant right now?

Many Equinox blessings to everyone. May your harvest be abundant!